Don't know what I'm doing anymore - Help.

[Dom R]

thats it. any advice on how i could have better handled either of the conversations earlier would be great.

Personally, i think you handled the conversation quite nicely.
What may give you better milage, could be how you handle the whole "clean house" thing in its entirety.

Some people want a clean house. as in.. REAAAALLY want it. And if they dont have it... it majorly sets them off, and basically puts them in a sour mood all day. Your H may be one of those people.

if you dont have the time, or free hands, to do that sort of thing (and it sounds like you dont).. you might consider hiring a maid service to come in once a week and clean up for you.

It costs about $40-60 a time, if you're having it regularly.

So, if your H gets too pissy about doing it... and you're too swamped to fully do it... this could be a good practical solution for you. Your challenge would then shift, from "getting the house clean", to more of managing the children, etc. to keep it clean for as long as possible.

obviously, it's not going to stay clean all the time. welcome to real life but if a clean house is one of those things that your H really desires in life... as long as he's willing to let go of the attitude of, "and my wife MUST do it ALL!", this might ease tensions between you.