Pregnant and abandoned #3

[blindsided1]

I've read that before. But, it is good to read it over and over until it starts to sink in. You are right. I need to say NO. I don't know why I don't do it. Maybe part of me thinks that it will keep him with me, but really I know that he is just cake eating. And, I also know that the longer I allow him to be in my life inimately and emotionally, the longer it will take for him to miss me, if that is ever the case. I keep saying to myself "tomorrow, I'll be strong" "tomorrow, I'll let him go" and then I start to get stronger and he reels me back in with the sweet talk. I buy it, because I want to buy it. But, deep down I know that nothing will change if I continue on this path. Why would he ever want to come home to me if he can have his carefree life with OW and then have me still waiting on the side, too. And, why in the hell would I want to be the OW? I'm far better than that. I am going to be a Mother and I am his Wife. He married ME. I feel like I am taking a step back by continuing to talk about sex with him, and emotional stuff. The other part of this equation is the holidays. The holidays are hard, really hard. He's seems to be fishing around about New Years. He keeps asking me what I'm doing and then telling me that he isn't doing anything. Why can't I just have faith. And, also muster up the strength to do what I need to do. I am a total doormat. But, the sad thing is, I've never been like that with him. I never allowed him to walk all over and he didn't. He tried in the beginning of our relationship. I showed him the door immediately. It's the fear of losing my H. And, what's funny is I've already lost him.