Pregnant and abandoned #3

[NikB]

((blindsided))

I'm sorry... I hope you see that you set yourself up again.

I really don't think you are strong enough to talk to him and stay upbeat (or at least calm) right now. Which means... you gotta keep it business ONLY, until you are in that better place.

All the stuff about how you're "trying to take care of myself and the baby" is really just another form of guilt trip and forcing the R talk. Don't tell him - SHOW him. And right now, showing him may well mean not talking to him... because taking care of yourself seems to mean not talking to him. Hopefully it won't always be that way, but it's what you really need to do for now.

[JennyF]

blindided....he is being a cold and heartless jerk. My H did the same thing for the first 6 weeks of my sons life. He just told me that one of the reasons he was doing this was because I wasn't getting it. I kept thinking there was hope and he did not want to give me false hope. So he was complete an utter A$$H*!E. In his eyes at this very moment it is over, done, complete, finished, kaput! NOTHING I can say or do will convince him otherwise. So he will do whatever cruel things he needs to jam it down my throat.
I think that this could be true for your H too. You're not accepting what he telling you is reality. You are ignoring what he believes he feels to be right and telling him he should feel another way. If he's going to make you see the truth (as he sees it) he's going to have to drive that point home to you somehow and this is how. Talking about OW and his life with her is about him showing you he is in control. Stop giving him reasons to reinforce this with you. You're just hurting yourself.

Don't listen to what other people say. Every one in the world has 20/20 vision looking backwards.

Show him you're in control...but for yourself. STOP giving him reasons to reinforce his feelings...every time you make him repeat it you make it more true for him.

I agree with SO2...go pitch black. Really...what do you have to lose?
J~

[blindsided1]

So, last night, he calls me because he thinks I'm out on a date because I wouldn't tell him what I was doing. Then he proceeds to tell me that he wants to ML to me. And, again wants to know if I've "been" with anyone else. I told him this was none of his business and why does he think he can ask me those questions. He said "because you are the Mother of my child and technically still my Wife". What a complete A$$hole. So, earlier he gets to divulge all the activities that he and OW are doing, oh and he late told me they are going to Arizona at the first of the year. Good for them. He also informed me that she doesn't make him pay rent. I had to laugh. He a complete jerk. So, he tells me all about his new life and new friends. And, in the next breath is telling me how he wants to ML to me. I realized, at that moment, that right now he is not someone I like at all. If I didn't know him in a different way, I would despise him for the way he is treating me and OW (not that I give a rats ass about her, mind you). But, it just makes me really sad. This isn't the man I married. This is a crazy person. He is totally going off the deep end in my mind. It's like he wants the stability with me. But, wants to go and F off and have fun without any worries. Why can't I just cut him off at the knees? My Mom said that she thinks the second I truly start to pull away from him, he'll go crazy. I just need to get there for myself and not because I want him home. I need to pull away. But, it is soooo easy to give in to him because I miss him so much. I am having a really difficult time with this. Where the heck is my strength to say NO!!!!

[Startingover2]

Go read my thread.

Stop getting into these conversations with him. Believe me. If you keep it business only you will feel much better. Sure, him asking you if you were on a date may make you feel like he is a bit jealous, but in reality if he cared he would be back home and working on your marriage.

This quote came to mind as well:
"the guilty dog barks the loudest."

He is wanting to possibly catch you in something so it relieves his own guilt.

STOP talking to him unless it concerns baby or business!!

[Patrick325]

Blindsided, I was thinking it might be a good opportunity to make some demands on him...if he is willing to try dating you for a few weeks, leave the OW, go to counseling, come back home after that, sleep in seperate rooms for a few weeks. Then and only then, after the baby and when you are ready you can ML. Of course it will be tough...and you might have to fool around a little before that to keep him on the hook...but if he is willing to do those things you'll have him where you want him!

[JennyF]

Read this link blindsided.....

LRT


And my opinion is you should JUST SAY NO!!

J~

[Patrick325]

Kiki, If he is driving crazy with her in the car and not bathing her he should be told he is risking losing his rights to see her. Make sure you document his habits, such as having the neighbor write a notarized letter. And have someone attest to the bathing issue ( also notarized). Good luck, maybe he will grow up...you never know.

[Patrick325]

sorry wrong window!!

[Startingover2]

Jenny that is perfect!! Thank you.

[blindsided1]

I've read that before. But, it is good to read it over and over until it starts to sink in. You are right. I need to say NO. I don't know why I don't do it. Maybe part of me thinks that it will keep him with me, but really I know that he is just cake eating. And, I also know that the longer I allow him to be in my life inimately and emotionally, the longer it will take for him to miss me, if that is ever the case. I keep saying to myself "tomorrow, I'll be strong" "tomorrow, I'll let him go" and then I start to get stronger and he reels me back in with the sweet talk. I buy it, because I want to buy it. But, deep down I know that nothing will change if I continue on this path. Why would he ever want to come home to me if he can have his carefree life with OW and then have me still waiting on the side, too. And, why in the hell would I want to be the OW? I'm far better than that. I am going to be a Mother and I am his Wife. He married ME. I feel like I am taking a step back by continuing to talk about sex with him, and emotional stuff. The other part of this equation is the holidays. The holidays are hard, really hard. He's seems to be fishing around about New Years. He keeps asking me what I'm doing and then telling me that he isn't doing anything. Why can't I just have faith. And, also muster up the strength to do what I need to do. I am a total doormat. But, the sad thing is, I've never been like that with him. I never allowed him to walk all over and he didn't. He tried in the beginning of our relationship. I showed him the door immediately. It's the fear of losing my H. And, what's funny is I've already lost him.