I agree with the others re: counseling, that you need to tell her that ALL contact with OM must end prior to counseling. Sure, she can have friends. How is that issue relevant to this? If her idea of friendship is talking about masturbating, sending nude photos, and telling someone that you love them, then NO, she can't have friends and still be married to you.
I think sitting down with her and going through each email might be a good way of showing her the difference between friendship and an EA. It might help you, too, because I think you could use a little more p!ss and vinegar than you are showing her right now.
