Kudos to you for nutting up and confronting her; I think you did well. You should have -- and still need to -- say to her "I will agree to counseling as soon as you end all contact with him." As long as her brain chemicals are firing off with every contact with him, counseling will do nothing for you.
There is a good book I can recommend: "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Have your wife read it. She is having an emotional affair, which in some ways is worse than a physical affair. A woman should understand that.
You've taken the toughest, first step tho, and congrats and atta-boy. Keep pushing thru this, and DO NOT WAVER.
