LO, HUGS for you. As from many of us who lost so much weight from the Affair Diet, followup with Divorce Diet cannot be good for your health. Do take care.
I have decided to take a break from thinking about all these so I can be as least functional during the holidays. Hope you have the strength to detach and stay calm during all these (I know, I know, it is HARD, but we are all here to cheer you up)
I had this really weird thought on the way to work this morning. I can see H D'ing me and then trying to have "secret" conversations/lunches/dinners/etc with me. I can see him trying to treat ME like the ow.... That's how much I think he "needs" having both of us in his life.
Just goes to show you that I need to keep removing myself from every area of his life... One step at a time as I come out of my "shocked" condition. But, I keep reminding myself that he only filed a week ago so emotions are still really raw at the moment. Again.. why the friggin' hurry to file before the holidays.
LO, I sure wish we could give your H a clunk or two on the head. I'm so angry for you. It doesn't make sense to me that he won't move out, he wants a D, but he won't move out. That just seems to be the logical move to me before D -- to separate. But you didn't even get to that point. And, he seems so confused so it seems even more pointless! Why is he in such a hurry? You could be right, it could be OW fueling the fire. I agree wholeheartedly with everyone's advice: start acting like you're divorced.
I don't remember if you've said much about OW, do you know anything about her sitch?
Hi Joie... Sounds like things are improving in your sitch. That is so great!!!
As for me, I'm ok this morning. Feeling a bit more detached which is good. Last night he cried again. I didn't.
My attorney told me to stay in the house and I'm sure his did as well. So..there you go. We're here together for a while.
Yes.. I know a lot about ow. She was married and a sahm at the beginning of the A. Has had at least 2 A's prior to this one. Her H found out and wanted to work on the M. She said no, she would not stop the A. So, her D was final this summer. She presents herself as a moral Christian whose life revolves around caring for her children. She needs my H to "save" her I guess. That's about it... except for her lying and bs..
So, H initiated more D talk last night. He wanted to talk about details of the D (financial/child) even though it's not going to be final for at least 6 months. In the meantime, he would like to be able to publicly date ow since it's just a formality from this point. Nice... I guess that means I can date, too right?
Then, after the D is final, he is moving in w/ow. In his mind, people won't know that he had an A. Ummm... I think they'll figure it out! People don't typically move from one household to another even within a few months unless there was something going on while the marriage was still intact.
We did talk about some R stuff. Nothing new at all. He feels like since he filed, we have become closer friends again. He is still incredibly attracted to me but the lack of "connection" cannot be overcome. He is 100% sure that he is leaving me for the ow with whom he has the "connection".
I am sorry but your H PISSES ME OFF!!!! WTH - why does he just move in the ho right now then? He really thinks he's going to fool everyone? Jeez... I feel for you and I think he has lost all respect for you in even suggesting he be allowed to openly date - what a crock!!
I am so flabbergasted (sp?) I could spit nails! UGH I cannot even imagine how you are feeling right now!
YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE!!!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Hi HB, Honestly, I think he SHOULD openly date. In fact, I all but encouraged it. That way, people can see it for what it really is... The affair will finally be out in the open. The dynamics of their R will change. Who knows what that means or if I will even care that much in the end.
Oh.. I almost forgot. I set up a schedule so H can watch the child and I can go out! One step forward for me!!
