H said our M is "platonic"

[MJontheMend]

His behavior is female repellant right now. I would be shocked out of my gourd if she did desire him. If LFL decides that monthly sex is unacceptable to her, she is completely justified saying that and ending the R. I dont think a loss of attraction is a justifiable reason, or I would never get married, as I know that I will lose my attraction at some point. But thats just my opinion on M.

First I would like to address the whole women not being able to empathize with me thing you've put out there. Let me tell you, there are many, many days I wish that I did not empathize with men. I think what you are really trying to say, although you might not admit it, is that you wish women would generally react more "cow" in response to male "puppy dogs". As we speak, I am trying not to have thoughts along the lines of "Poor GP. He's so big and tough and misunderstood and no woman has ever probably really taken good care of his puppy dog just because he acts so big and tough. He probably just misbehaved because he wanted attention." So, you can see why I don't agree with you to the extent that I think that is what you are trying to communicate. (You think that there are big boys who can take care of themselves and not-so-big-boys who deserve more cow treatment out there. My cow sees them all as boys, some are just more naughty than others(sigh) and it kills me to have to give up and take them back to the pound but I have learned that I don't do anybody any good if I don't care for my own bunny.)

If, OTOH, you are trying to communicate that LFL should act more "strong bunny" in relation to her H, then I agree AND that is why I was trying to communicate that you taking on the role of semi-dysfunctional top for her H and smacking her down to "weak bunny" with your post was NOT helpful. However, me telling LFL to "woman up" will not communicate that either. What if I told you that you should allow yourself to be more vulnerable and act more "strong puppy dog" in relation to women? Would you take my advice? Would you know how to do it? Would another guy telling you to "man up" be helpful in that regard? What he would actually have to say would be something like "boy up".

Anyways, I agree with you that loss of attraction is not a good reason to end a marriage. My hope for you is that you some day marry a woman who truly believes that too but also one who understands/comprehends/empathizes with the reasons why attraction can be lost and doesn't just fall into the puppy basket with you or retreat to her ice castle while you hunker down in your man cave etc. etc. etc. etc. Someone who is differentiated, confident, communicative enough to signal stuff like "Hey baby, I'm going to head out for the Schnarchian bar tonight 'cause I can 'see' that you aren't feeling it and I care too much to not do anything so I'm sure you can appreciate why I have to once again signal "Game On"."


LFL, "Girl Up!" and I'm saying that for your benefit, not your H's.