Luv, So OW was a sore loser, huh? That's what she gets for fooling around with a married man. Same with mine. You're right, she is also showing her true colors. Unfortunately, H can't walk away from it right now. Which is one of the reasons I have not responded to her. I don't want to cause any more problems!
Wow! Had to dig my thread out from page 6! I've not been around much this week. Been at a 4-day software class for work. It was a bad time to take a class -- I have a huge project due so upon getting home around 6 p.m., I've been sitting down at another computer and worked until 10 or 11 p.m. So my personal time has been pretty nonexistent this week.
Tonight was interesting. Things have been quiet with OW. H has been home quite a lot and the cell phones have been eerily quiet, too. The last time I thought things had been quiet, all h3ll broke loose. Well, it happened again.
OW called our house tonight, D answered. I was getting dressed for my aerobics class. D came and told me she called. D said she was looking for H but he was not returning her phone calls. Said she had car trouble. D said she was nice, and kept apologizing for calling.
A few minutes later, phone rings again. This time I answered it. It was OW again. I ended up having a 15-min 'conversation' with her. The entire ordeal was very surreal. She was very nice, very chatty -- in fact she wouldn't SHUT UP! She wanted me to tell H that she was home. That she had car trouble but made it home safe. She was really p.o'd at him because he was not answering her calls.
I told her that he was out doing something for work. His company is putting some videos together on their product and he was meeting with the videographer. I said he probably had his phone off or just couldn't answer (but as I said that I was thinking, what the F am I saying this for, it sounds like I'm making excuses for him!). She said no, he wasn't working. That he was supposed to be with her tonight. I said, well, that's what he told me. She said she was convinced that he was seeing another woman ... that he was cheating on both of us. (She said this several times throughout the conversation.)
Now, I didn't say a whole lot. I kept thinking, what I am supposed to say to this woman? Plus, she was so chatty, it was hard for me to say anything anyway! She was very nice, even polite, and apologized many times for bothering me. She even apologized for causing so many problems!! But she noted that she did not cause our marital problems. I actually agreed with that. (But I wanted to add that the A didn't help us!)
At one point, she got very upset when she turned the subject to children. She was talking about her oldest D who is in the Army and is currently in Iraq. They keep in contact via email. She's upset because she has not heard from her in 3 days. I was very sympathetic about that. I told her she was probably busy working and could not send email right now.
She went on a bit about my own D. The school concert was last night. My D plays flute and she had a couple of solos. OW said a friend of hers that was there said how well our D did. Went on and on about that. Said to please 'congratulate' her on it. (Yeah, right, I'll do that...)
She repeated several times that she was done with H. I could have him. He was my responsibility now. She also said that she thought his heart was still with me. In fact, she said she was done with men period. At that point, she talked about her own M and how her own H told her 7 years ago that her body repulsed him. That's when she started having boyfriends. They have not slept together in the same bed since. But her H got upset when he found out she had boyfriends. She talked about how she and my H got to be really good friends, then one thing led to another...
Before the end of the call, H got home. He came into our bedroom, I told him who was calling. He was astounded. Here's his wife, sitting in our bedroom, on our bed, talking to his OW. It must have been too much for him to handle because he didn't stay. He left the room.
The call finally ended. I told her I would tell him she called (why, I don't know). She said don't bother. She was home and turning her phone off and didn't want to talk to him.
By that time, I was running late for my class. I went ahead and finished getting ready and left. The only thing I had time to tell my H was that she didn't want him to call and that she was convinced that he was seeing someone else. He commented that judging from the messages she left him that she was drunk.
Like I said, I didn't say a whole lot. The woman had diarrhea of the mouth so it was hard for me to get a word in. But that's probably just as well.
I assume H and I will talk about this tomorrow. I went out to dinner with my aerobic buddies after class to celebrate the holidays and he was in bed by the time I got home.
p.s. I have to catch up on what's going on with all of you but won't have a chance until tomorrow night. Hope everyone is well ... or as well as they can be!
Sara is right, you never know what's going to happen with her. WOW, I would have been in shock too, and said the same things "He was working" or "He must not be able to answer his phone". I know you have to play nice with your OW, so you did a very good job of it. I don't believe her for a second that she is 'done' with your H though.....He seems to be very done with her.
I don't know about another OW; is the AOW? Surely your husband has realized that he can't handle all the trouble of more than one woman! This one was a doozy. I can't imagine he's ready to jump back in that swimming pool.
I agree. I bet she is just trying to cause trouble by mentioning another OW. That's why she was being nice- to try and make herself seem more reliable. If there was AOW don't you think in reality she would be kicking and screamimg based on her previous behaviour?
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Joie - you are the epitome of self-control. I don't think I could keep my thoughts to myself if I had to talk to the ow right now... Good for you for acting with such grace and dignity. It probably threw that crzy woman off base!
Didn't get much time to talk to H about the call. I only mentioned a couple things while we were getting ready for work this morning. The one thing she said that really got to me was that she thought he was seeing another woman because he was not returning her calls ... because that's what he did to me. She said many times when I called he just didn't answer his phone. The more I thought about it, the more it upset me. I told him that's why she thought there was someone else. And, I told him the fact that he ignored calls from me, his wife, really upset me.
He jokingly said perhaps he should see someone else (gee, what a comedian). I jokingly responded, "sure, go ahead, and then you can pack your bags cause I ain't going through this again!"
I don't know if OW was drunk or not. She may have had a drink or two under her belt, but I don't think she was snockered. She sounded in control -- a bit overly excited and perhaps anxious but not drunk. But I don't really know her so ...
And, no, I don't think there is AOW (had to figure out that acronym!). H is pretty much home all the time now.
But some good news, which I hesitate to post after reading updates from others...
The big winter gala for my work is tomorrow night -- semi-formal affair. Last year we got a room but the night was busted (thanks to the A I didn't know about at the time). This year he said he didn't want to spend the night because he didn't want to make waves with OW. That really upset me but I didn't push the issue.
So today H calls me when I was still in training. I got the message later. He said, "I was thinking about going ahead and getting a room Saturday night. After the phone call from OW last night, I don't know if you even want to be with me ... please call me back as soon as you can." I WAS FLOORED!
I called him back but before saying yes, I had to tell him one other thing OW said. Actually, it was the only thing she asked me during our convo, the rest of the time she rambled on. She said she knew my work party was Saturday night. She asked if we had gotten a room.
I wanted to say it was none of her beeswax, OR I wanted to but because of you we didn't ... instead I simply said, No. She was very relieved to hear that. I think perhaps more because she thought H was lying to her, and not because she didn't want him to be with me.
So I told H this before answering his question about getting a room. I thought he would change his mind. Instead his response was: I don't care. This is a big night for you (I'm receiving an award). I think we both need to get the h3ll out of dodge for a weekend.
I think the A is officially OVER!!! He never would agree to or suggest getting a hotel room if OW was still in the picture. He's been babying her for a long time.
I was so happy coming home, but then everything hit me and I ended up in tears. I know we still have a long way to go (and the legal sitch to deal with)...
Have so much more going through my head but I'll stop here for awhile...
