Either LFL truly does respect and appreciate her H or she doesn't. Whether she is adequately expressing/communicating that respect/admiration/appreciation is another matter.
LFL is thinking about her options, cant stand the thought of M/L with her H, and is focusing on his negatives. She daydreams of OM. She does not currently respect her H. Her feelings would be significantly differant if she did. (see Nops sig)
His behavior is female repellant right now. I would be shocked out of my gourd if she did desire him. If LFL decides that monthly sex is unacceptable to her, she is completely justified saying that and ending the R. I dont think a loss of attraction is a justifiable reason, or I would never get married, as I know that I will lose my attraction at some point. But thats just my opinion on M.
LFL has not done much that Mr. can see that shows she cares about him. Since day one here, she has always said she was doing this for the kids. It only took her a few months to quit trying to fix Mr, during their seperation and go find someone else. (understandable.) Im NOT hammering her, I am pointing out his feelings on the issue, since women appear incapable of empathizing with men.
Now he wants counseling. He needs help and he is admitting he is lost. I understand. She finds that icky.
So what.
And are you trying to scare me into staying in this M by throwing out "the next W" comment? No. I was trying to think of a way for you to reach him that wouldnt put you off, and be effective. Since the original reason I came here was to share an insight or two with the men, (because ultimatly I currently believe its in his power, having seen no evidence to the contrary) and am just using you ladies as demonstration material, I couldnt think of one.
You Leaving him will probably send him on that journey. Long term, the stats say it would probably be good for him, but not so much for you. Thats MWD words, not mine. Thats me --as a friend--pointing it out to you. I dont care if you like it.
That was just kind of mean considering my emotional state today. Why are you being so insensitive? I thought we were friends.
If you found that insensitve, then you would really be shocked by how I address the males in my life that are in your sitch. I am your friend. If I wasnt I would have had an EA with you and really twisted your feelings.
Because I am your friend, That means Im not going to blow sunshine up your skirt, just cause your having a bad day. If you want commiserating, you have GF's for that. Your going to pick and chosse the advice you want to hear, and who you want to hear it from. From your response to me, and others (Im not talking about Dom) it appears as if you dont care or want to see what you can do, so that he feels respect or appreciated. In fact its been a toungue in cheek wink wink game to you ever since I first addressed his feeling respect and appreciation. That is actually in your power and YOUR JOB according to your vows, to maintain. If you thought the 'we are friends' was going to make me backpedal from the seriousness of your crap attitude right now, you seriously misunderstood our former fun times around here. Its you choice if you want to throw it out, cause you arent hearing what you want from me.
we should ask that our partners are at least self-aware enough to acknowledge when they are behaving in a manner that makes it difficult for us to respond appropriately
How would he know what this is-- when all his Pysch and environmental training has told him something differant?
It's another thing for a man to signal "I'm not willing to be the man."
He hasnt done that. He isnt a jerk, like some people whoes mirror image I find familiar. He is lost. Its not attractive to her. period. When a man comes on here and everyone commiserates with him that its ok if he leave his W because she has gained a few pounds, or is busy with babies and tired, then you can justify the above to me, or doesnt feel sexy or anyother deflection of sexual insecurity like Mojo gave Karen.
Until that imaginary day... save it. This is a M board and a DB board. Im not going to sit here and condone LFL's youngest of 6 footstomping tantrum.
Tell her to.... I dont know... woman up, and how did Corri put it.... stop being a little girl. That should make it clear to her.
Everyone tells men not to accept crap sex from their spouse, and here we have a man who doesnt feel respected and appreciated, (and I can go back and pull up examples, and admissions from you LFL) and Corri's advice was regarding his lack of desire (that to me looks eerily like HD and Baltomans lack of desire)
Quote:
Fck him.
Thumbs up. Not.
Is the purpose of understanding desire and attraction to improve ourselves or to find the weakness in our spouse? Is the loss of attraction justification for D? Id like to hear from the women who say yes to the latter-- not so I can respond, just so I can know.
