My H and I are going through some rough times these days. Seems every other day we have a disagreement. He told me recently that he thinks I spend too much time alone and need more friends. I have friends and do spend time alone, but I also like it. He said he didn't want to use the word "smothering". Tonight he said something odd, we were talking about open-mindedness and he asked me if I thought he was open minded, I said yes and he said "well however open-minded you think I am, I'm more than that". I told him he was mysterious. He said he has no secrets from me (this is not true) because I am around him all the time.-that was said slightly sarcastic. I got mellow for awhile to process that along with what he said the other day about me needing more to do and more friends. I said that we have both kept too much from each other over the years. He accused me of being mad, I said I was thinking and got over it pretty quick. I said I am going to give him space. He said "did I say I wanted space"?
I've never been a match for him in a disagreement. He tells me I always take everything he says literally. I told him to say what he means then. He says he learned years ago to not say what's on his mind because it gets him into trouble. That one is true I admit. We have the Marriage Breakthrough tapes but haven't watched them yet. He also told me that he is changing for himself and not me or the M, and that I am trying to change for him. Not true, I didn't like the way I became and it took a wake up call (the bomb) for me to see how I'd become. He has changed, because he did start trying for the M many months ago. He just doesn't know that he's been DB;ing himself.
Most of the time these days we are very loving and affectionate to each other. But you know when these times hit you feel like you've lost all ground. I was afraid he was going to say he was giving up and throwing in the towel tonight. He is gone to a meeting now so we can't talk about this tonight. what to do?
