Stub, JTB is absolutely right! You MUST let go of the OW thing for now. I know how hard that is cuz I had to do it for years but, come to think of it, it did me no friggin good, did it! the reality is you must anyway because it's the only way to survive in the environment you're living in, otherwise you'll drive yourself friekin' nuts. Now, she's saying you don't have to worry, so don't! You certainly can worry and fret and work yourself into a lather and then, guess what, one day you'll confide it all to your new Coffee Buddy who will be so understanding and empathetic...well, you know the rest! The only thing you can do Stub is give it up to God, Karma or whatever the heck you want to give it up to, but you have to let go of that shovel handle. Decide you're gonna drop the OW thing for, I dunno, three months and live your life for Stub and work to be your S's best friend. To do this Stub means you must be ready to risk being hurt AGAIN! Damn, that's hard to do, I know, but it's all you can do if you want to stay in and nurture this R. I'll bet if she isn't dealing with somebody whose frothing with anger and resentment (righteous as it is!) she may be more inclined to drop this "friendship" with OW. Yet, of course, there is no guarantee and at some point, you'll have to re-evaluate but that's way down the road from here. BTW, stick to decaf with your Coffee Buddy, you'll be less inclined to spill the coffee beans! Oh,here's a funny one from my Coffee Buddy adventures. One time we went for coffee, for the second time in the same week, and CB says "after we had coffee the last time I couldn't sleep when I got home, I think it was the caffeine" I replied "but you drink decaf" and she says "I know"
