First post

[micoms]

mrarow,

You'll have to let her take the lead on affection. Maybe while shopping ask if you can hold her hand. She still has to process the changes you have made and it will take time for her to realize they aren't temporary but permanent. Keep up with them, don't go back to the way you were. It won't happen overnight.

Mike

[IAChild]

Mr,

These are much better stated goals. Well done!

Have been addressing my problems with very being very intense and controlling in the past. these behaviours and have been a major reason for the door being open to another man amongst others. I am making super progress here and continue to improve with counselling.

This is a key goal for you, and for your W, I would suspect. While you don't have to post specifics here if you're not comfortable, this is an area I would really dig into if I were you. I know I did when I was going through this, and I reaped an enormous amount of growth by doing that hard but necessary work. And I am a better person for it.

I now help out with all parts of household chores which I never did in the past all before!! Cook,Dust, Vacuum, run errands ,drive girls everywhere,I even do bathrooms and toilets.

This is very important too. From a woman's perspective, this is a huge issue in families with two incomes.

I am still having a very hard time not being affectionate at this time, that's a major problem for me still. I love her so much!!!

Of course you love your W very much! If you didn't, you certainly wouldn't be here! However, having said that, this is one area you really, really, really want to keep a lid on. You cannot make any moves toward your W right now. I know you miss the affection, and that might be something worth exploring more with your C. In the mean time, hands off is the rule.

Keep up the good work!

M

[mrarow]

Grrrrrr! I hate this alone in bed sleep stuff but I think She may be starting to lighten up? We will shall see..... I had an ok night, blew it a couple times talking about RE and my feelings but did pick a good time to tell her what I need from her to move forward. I.e.: End affair, Say sorry and Try 150 percent just like I'm willing to do, but over all was a pretty nice experience tonight. Shoot we even touched on the money topic and how broke we are with out fighting! That's cool at this time of year. Hmmmmmm Patience will work well for me right now, Breathe.....

[mrarow]

Thanks for continued support and it feels good to be doing something right for a change and I will be better for these changes even without her! That feels good ! I do love her!

[IAChild]

blew it a couple times talking about RE and my feelings

No R talk! <stern look>

but did pick a good time to tell her what I need from her to move forward. I.e.: End affair, Say sorry and Try 150 percent just like I'm willing to do,

Ahem...another big no-no...knock it off! <another stern look>

Shoot we even touched on the money topic and how broke we are with out fighting!

This is a very good sign! What did you do differently to contribute to a more calm and rational conversation?

Remember -- analyze what you are doing, check to see what's working, and toss what is not working.

M

[mrarow]

Yep I need to get a life!! I am being a big baby that's been abandoned by his mommy!! Reality sucks and I have not been very true to myself or truly willing to let go of her and stop tiring and pursuing and controlling her with my feelings and talk. Its not working and its obvious it has been pushing her away and right into that jerks arms! Its defiantly time for me to be strong. This is the hardest thing to do so far. I am determined to just back off and see if she comes back to me. It makes more sense everyday but putting this fine talk into action is a different story! I will succeed in being a better happier guy and who knows what the future holds? Has to be better than the way this woman makes me think and feel. Time to WAKE UP!!!!

[IAChild]

I am being a big baby that's been abandoned by his mommy!!

Oh, I wouldn't go that far.

But yes, walking the walk is where the real work begins. Try to think of this as an experiment, like you might have conducted in high school science or psychology class. You are doing research. It will help you detach.

And remember, it's not your W making you think and feel this way. You are giving her too much power. You have to own your own thoughts and feelings. They are yours, dude, no matter what she is doing, saying, thinking or feeling.

M

[mrarow]

Grrrrrrrrrr! I am not liking this time of year with all this going down. Makes for a real challange to stay up beat and happy. Got to get a grip on my feelings.......

[micoms]

I got you there mrarow. My first Christmas without W, out of work due to surgery,living off of savings and W files for D. She filed 2 weeks after I had quad bypass surgery, mighty nice she didn't have me served in my hospital bed. Like everyone else it seems I shoot myself in the foot when ever there seems to be some change i her.

Mike

[Lkyguy]

My coach told me...did you ever get mad st your customers?...i said yes of course...did you blast them?...no I said...I cant do that....well there you go...your feelings are real but you dont always have to react to them......hardest thing we ever had to do isnt it?...GOD doesnt give us more than we can handle....he must think im a rock