Don't know what I'm doing anymore - Help.

[ann25]

Hi f2b.

I'm trying to fathom my W's body language on the few occasions I've met with her recently. She looks away or to the ground and is very fidgety, tends to get up and want to leave every few minutes. Breaks into tears, blames me for everything under the sun. Is it guilt, anger, hatred or something else?

I don't know about your sit, but based on the brief description here, i'd say its probably a combination of those. Prior to my EA and during, i didn't want to talk to H. I would avoid it, change the subject, get mad easily, cry, get really quiet. She is upset because she is unhappy and it has to be someones fault. It has taken me up til about now to realize that i can't count on my H to make me happy. I can be happy with him only once i'm happy with myself. During the EA, i was miserable inside.

(Of course I'm learning how not to react to these outbursts and there's symptoms of MLC, etc. but that's besides the point)

It's good that you are trying not to react to this. She may be looking to get a rise out of you.

It's now clear she was friendly with OM for ~2 years prior to filing D and he helped her do it but she was very secretive about it all along and in that time did/said a lot to push my buttons. When asked about him by others she'd say he's "just a friend". She has told me earlier of her own accord she's not having an A with OM ... and more recently that she does not talk to him anymore.

I told friends that he was a friend. It started out that way. The thing about an EA/PA is that if no one knows, you have to lie to everyone, that can destrpy you on the inside.

I'm trying to determine if it was an EA or PA and what can I believe of what she's been saying. I think women who have been thru' the pain of this due to unhappiness in their marriage may have a much better perspective.

Do you really need to determine this. Picture this. - you find out it started out an EA and then progressed to a PA. Does it matter? Would you still be here trying to save your M? Would that be a dealbreaker or just something to overcome? If the answer is yes, you'd still be trying to save your M, then you don't have to worry about that. She's having a MLC and said she's not talking to him. Take it as that unless you have proof other wise. If you are not sure, sit back and think about how long you've been together, now is that something you want to throw away? I hope not.
my best to you... post and read and post and read and when with W, DB like crazy!!