I've been doing a lot of thinking on this and you know what? I still cannot put my finger on what it is I'm scared of. I mean here I am...never having felt so comfortable sexually in my entire life. Miss IC from say 6 months ago would never have had the confidence to tie her boy up and have my way with him, or even the other night to just pin him down and f*ck him...any part of him that I chose...twice! And maybe that is where some of my fear is coming from..lol..this is really hard for me to explain because I don't really know myself why I'm feeling this way.
I feel what Mojo said rings so true with me. I've always been the one to play the part of "pleaser" in bed and hopefully I derived pleasure for myself in the process. Now, I've switched gears into more of a "please myself" attitude and if IC happens to derive pleasure so be it...but it's not my focus. kwim? Selfish? It seems to be working now with IC..but will it..can it continue?
I don't know if it's a fear of the bubble bursting, the fear of maybe taking things to far to where IC's perception of me changes, or dare I say..an underlying fear that possibly him not being here {I hate that I think this way...I'm sorry IC, I can't help it} I don't know...as the soul searching continues....
