H said our M is "platonic"

[Dom R]

Dom:
...
Boundary: "I will not stay in a sexless marriage."

Threat: "If you don't give me more sex, I'm getting out of this marriage."

You may argue that the 'or else' is implied in a boundary. Depends on who is listening, I guess. All a boundary does is state what you will/won't do. It does not DICTATE another person's actions in the least. The other person is, always, free to choose.

I'm not sure how the other person is any more, or less, "free to choose", in either case. If you tell someone, "Do this, or I will ....", that person is still "free to choose" not to, and deal with your corresponding actions. Unless it's something like, "or I will use this gun on you".

I'd call a boundary, "a threat, with diplomacy".


-------------------------

Reguardless...

I dont see "threat" vs "non-threat" as really that important. If some is touchy enough to hyperreact with "You're trying to Threaten/Control/Manipulate/.... Me !!!" when faced with a "Give me sex or i'm gone" situation... it probably doesnt matter too much how you phrase it; they're probably going to be like that.

I think the more important concept in boundaries, is not so much in avoiding offending the other person with your wording... but in identifying to yourself when you are reasonably justified in sticking up for something.
To help you identify when you are protecting yourself, vs just trying to change something about your spouse that you dont like.

(even with that mindset, though, i've occasionally seen some people claim they were "enforcing a boundary" for themselves, when what they were really doing was trying to change someone else. it's tricky. sigh.)