I needed to do something so also took a position that I will not let fear of doing the wrong thing stop me . If I do get something wrong well i will know not to do it again.
I guess I am lucky in that there seems to be something to work with, possibly W is not as detached as she would like to make out she is.
The only expectation i have is that she will pull back again at some stage and it is very clear that the emotions that caused her to leave are still there. Add to that I have no idea where her R is at with OM.
What I am doing is keeping my Dairy recording actions and results . Its actualy good to flick back through from time to time also. Any talk from me of her A or OM is very counter productive at this stage , I know that.
Not too much going on , W started to get closer , spend time at home , helping out lots now she has backed off which was not unexpected . She has certainly done a 180 on helping out at home , I have no idea why at this stage , still friendly enough, and on Sunday she spent the entire afternoon camped on the couch here.
I just do the best I can for me and the Kids and dont get too hung up on what she is or isnt doing , I have got off that roundabout.
She has certainly done a 180 on helping out at home , I have no idea why at this stage
Sounds like you're doing well Dave, as you say, "don't get too hung up on what she's doing", is the way to go. Attempting to figure out the "why's" is counterproductive at best. They seem to sense when the focus is on them & head the other direction, whereas when you get off the roundabout & go on your own happy way they're drawn back.
Great that you're having the friendly interactions & you're keeping focused on your goals. I'm guessing that having W planted on the sofa all day is a little taxing, although a good opportunity to show your changes.
How are you doing ? I cant believe its been a year since the bomb! However I can look back on this as a year of personal growth , great challenges and certainly have got closer to my kids. I am very optimistic for the year ahead because I am starting it in a much better personal frame of mind than I did this year.
Its going to have its own challenges and I need now to take some time and revise my personal goals.
About roundabouts ; where the WAS is involved with OM/OW then imagine they are on a roundabout balanced on top of another roundabout.. No wonder they are messed up at times..
Yes, the "why"s....they most likely don't even know themselves. They only act and seem more together because they lie to so many others, and themselves, to deal with their confusion and guilt. Myself, I am glad to be awake and aware, even when it hurts like crazy.
I actually mentioned my sitch during a review of what I am grateful for--same thing, getting tighter with my kids, learning about my own strengths and weaknesses, really looking and learning about me instead of filling myself up with everything and everyone BUT me. I don't think I ever would have really looked inward without the turmoil...
I really liked the way you mentioned going into the new year with a new, better frame of mind, challenges and personal goals.
YEA!!!!! The worst year of my life, 2007, is almost OVER!!!!! I don't ever think I have been this excited about throwing away an old calendar and hanging a new one :0)
Dave - read your last few posts. Was curious about your recent experimenting. Good for you. You sound great. Your a pro-DBer, no matter what happens or doesn't happen.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I thought its about time I updated things. I have been very busy with work and looking after the kids so have not had much time to post of late. I have had a period of a couple of weeks where I have been very settled in myself and enjoying life. I backed of the contact with W for a while as well as I just have not had ( or wanted to make) time to do otherwise. I cant say the same for poor W , she txt me a couple of nights ago so I phoned her back. She sounded terrible, stressed and tired. Yesterday I saw her when she had been round to look after kids while I was away. She was quite a bit better and seemly fine until she burst into tears so she realy has not come to terms at all with what she has/ is doing no matter what she tries to portray to the outside world. I did notice a much nicer attitude from her and some genuine interest in what I had been up to. That was nice as usualy she has been very self centered. We will be spending Christmas together as a family so thats going to be nice.
Anyway i better get back to work , more later no doubt.
Hey Dave - wow sounds like you are in a really great place!! I'm glad you had a couple of weeks where you were really feeling in stride with yourself.
Glad for the softening from your W, too.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
