Here is the part I struggle with. How can you refrain from being critical when all you get is the going through the motion sex? Hell, that makes me feel less close, less loved, etc than not having intimacy at all. I tried scheduling and she told me essentially the same thing. She would be game but I could not complain that it wasn't "real" or passionate. We got through exactly one day and I could not keep my end of the bargain.
You need to use the "willingness" of the LD spouse in such a situation as a sort of platform on which to build desire. If you really trusted that your W was going to stick to the deal then if the sex was lacksadaisical on Day 1 but you know you will be able to get sex on Day 3, on Day 2 maybe you could just have sexual interaction up to the point of maximum achievable intimacy. I'm much more sexy outside of the context of my SSM simply because I am confident that I can get sex one way or another pretty easily. A schedule should give the HD spouse "confidence" that will allow him/her to "remember" how to be more sexy. OTOH, if you don't/can't trust your LD spouse to even stick to a schedule (my marital sich) then your whole marriage is rotten anyways and the sex problem is moot.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
