Good move, plus if this is your second M and you remember this from before. It seems to take a few months for the cash flow to slow down, with the added expenses and what not. Been when it does you need to be ready.
Don't give her any money, that is just fanning the flames in my opinion. You helped her out big time with a car, and if she isn't grateful for that then she is feeling justified. Let her take her high and mighty attitude to OM, and let him deal with it.
Let her keep her problems, don't bail her out. Just as your not supposed to cry and beg, its unattractive, well she isn't supposed to fall apart in front of OM, about money, kids, etc., because it is unattractive. So if you keep bailing her out, then OM doesn't have a chance to see W at her breakdown times. In your own little way your just helping that A relationship to come out the clouds and get a little dose of reality.
Think of this way, we have all seen it from both sides and sexes, but since my experiance is as a guy, I'll use women. We have all had a friend that no matter what is going on when we go to his home his W is pissed, or crying, nagging, something. Your like dang, your life sucks. Reinforcing it for them. But you have known them for a long time, and you know she isn't really like that all the time.
Well if your W starts that with OM, and OM's friends see it, they are going to be like WTF are you doing? He will question, and we know W isn't crazy all the time, but right she is at her lowest in her life probably. So as soon as some of the crazy starts to spill into his life, A busted. Then time to work on your R.
On the other side, do it just as you said above. I would love to help you out right now, however because of the car, kid expenses...I can't. I wouldn't hesitate to help with other things, like fix something or anything like that. But no large sums of cash. So be there for her, but don't be an enabaler.
