LFL,

I don't know much about your sitch and whether or not your're going to C with your H, but wanted to comment. My H has been LD for 20 years and it's been an issue. Not quite as bad as some sitchs (we do get together a couple of times a month), but it's typical of LD/HD M's. The same promises, struggles, passiveness, then anger from me and frustration.

We went to our C and discussed this for the first time last Mon. Our C point blank told my H that "her needs are her needs and your job is to meet them. If you can't then your job as a man is to admit this and let her go so she can be happy" I was surprised to hear him say this as my H has had some health probs and surgery. I told him that I could wait 6 months to see an improvement, but needed to know our physical R is a priority. His response was "Six months? That's too long to wait. Let's say three". Then he asked my H if he loved me, desired me and wanted to be M to me. H said yes and our C said "then what's your plan for meeting her sexual needs on a regular basis? That's what it's going to take to keep her as your wife"

I could tell that H was on the spot, but being told straight out that there's no excuse for not meeting your S's needs for intimacy and sex might work. Time will tell if it will work long term or not. We've been intimate every night since and H seems to have really enjoyed it. C also told him that I shouldnt have to mention it, ask for it or remind him. That a good H makes sure his wife is smiling if it's at all possible. I think there was something about another man telling him that he has a beautiful, intelligent wife that struck a nerve. He also told H that I'm asking for the bare minimum, nothing big, and that as an H, he should be able to do the "easy stuff" to make me happy. He asked if performance is an issue and said if it is there are things you can do. He told H to not wait until he feels like doing it.. to just DO IT and not think too much about it.

The only thing he told me is that I need to accept that my H's needs are different than mine. He said that H has agreed to meet my needs for intimacy and sex and I can't now start criticising his efforts.. such as coming back saying that it's not passionate enough, or I feel like he's going through the motions, etc. He said it's up to him to get it going and up to me to encourage the passion.

We shall see \:\) Just wanted to let you know that C might help and it's NOT OK for your H to not meet your needs. In effect he's holding you hostage in unhappiness. Not good!!!

Sheila