Back at DB/new marriage new WAW

[Atlas]

dh,

Let me think on this, but 5k for furniture is not right!! Lets let things sit for 48 hours and see what happens.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. But don't give her the money yet. Just wait.

[dh4320]

atlas,

Some new info has just come to surface, The aunt called me tonight and said she also talked with the W tonight and said the W told her the OM has offered to pay her 1200 a month to do PR work for him, after i digested this it came to 2 things, one she knows the aunt talks to me and she told her this to get back to me, or the OM has told her this to get the 5K out of me. I am soooo confused the W still tries to get under my skin with all this so i will not be giving the W this money tomorrow and i will stick to my guns and tell her to show me proof of where this money is goning, any other insight would be appreciated, Atlas let me know what you think.... also when the bomb hit the W said she could make it on 3K a month, well in our state the max child support she could get is 1800 a month you put her 1200 a month from OM and the child support together and it equals 3K just a thought but i think she is planning this to get the kids and the child support

[Atlas]

The aunt called me tonight and said she also talked with the W tonight and said the W told her the OM has offered to pay her 1200 a month to do PR work for him,

Good, she should get a job and start to do something. For what its worth, PR work isn't as easy as she may think, and he isn't going to keep paying if she can't do the job. From my perspective this just puts another angle into the relationship that could destroy it.

after i digested this it came to 2 things, one she knows the aunt talks to me and she told her this to get back to me, or the OM has told her this to get the 5K out of me.

She may or may not have said this to Aunt to get it back to you. Who really cares. If I were in her shoes I would want to seem totally destitute to get more out of you, then say I have a source of income. But your not really sure why she told her this, so don't overthink it.

I am soooo confused the W still tries to get under my skin with all this so i will not be giving the W this money tomorrow and i will stick to my guns and tell her to show me proof of where this money is goning,

How much is she asking for? and for what purpose? I'm sorry but shy of 20 to 100 here or there and paid directly to the merchant, I wouldn't be giving her crap. Let guitar boy pay her way now. See if you financially support her, then her R with OM is never strained because it stays in fantasy land. If she has to start to rely on him, and he suddenly realizes he didn't get a girlfriend but a W with kids, the R will have problems.

well in our state the max child support she could get is 1800 a month you put her 1200 a month from OM and the child support together and it equals 3K just a thought but i think she is planning this to get the kids and the child support

Don't you already have temporary sole custody? That isn't easy to get in any state. Almost always there is joint custody unless 1) you don't want any custody or 2) she can show that what is best for the kids is to not be with you. Your not going to lose them, you may have joint custody though. Most states the child support is fixed based on a calculator, based on a ratio of how much dad and mom make, how many days with each parent, etc. Ask your lawyer, but the child support will be what it is.

[ann25]

Wow... 5k. i'm glad you are rethinking that. Do you know if that furniture would be going towards OM? i don't think you really want to support both of them do you? Really though. Let her have the air matress and maybe give her a little something at the furniture store, but i agree with atlas wholeheartedly. I know you want to help here, but other than a little bit here and there like groceries and stuff, cut her off. Doesn't she have a job now. Let OM front the bill and see how he likes it. my guess is she'll realize (eventually) the grass is much greener at home.

[dh4320]

Hey atlas,

yes i do have custody of the kids currently, I emailed the wife aobut her requests and told her i have already spent 10K getting her into a new car, and that things are tight right now and she needs to wait, with the holidays and hiring a nanny i cant just hand over money, she has not responded as of yet>>..

[dh4320]

Thanks Anne,

she will realize it but i think it will be too late, so i am going to stall on the furniture thing for now, but for now i am going to move forward as if i am moving on.

[Atlas]

dh,

Good move, plus if this is your second M and you remember this from before. It seems to take a few months for the cash flow to slow down, with the added expenses and what not. Been when it does you need to be ready.

Don't give her any money, that is just fanning the flames in my opinion. You helped her out big time with a car, and if she isn't grateful for that then she is feeling justified. Let her take her high and mighty attitude to OM, and let him deal with it.

Let her keep her problems, don't bail her out. Just as your not supposed to cry and beg, its unattractive, well she isn't supposed to fall apart in front of OM, about money, kids, etc., because it is unattractive. So if you keep bailing her out, then OM doesn't have a chance to see W at her breakdown times. In your own little way your just helping that A relationship to come out the clouds and get a little dose of reality.

Think of this way, we have all seen it from both sides and sexes, but since my experiance is as a guy, I'll use women. We have all had a friend that no matter what is going on when we go to his home his W is pissed, or crying, nagging, something. Your like dang, your life sucks. Reinforcing it for them. But you have known them for a long time, and you know she isn't really like that all the time.

Well if your W starts that with OM, and OM's friends see it, they are going to be like WTF are you doing? He will question, and we know W isn't crazy all the time, but right she is at her lowest in her life probably. So as soon as some of the crazy starts to spill into his life, A busted. Then time to work on your R.

On the other side, do it just as you said above. I would love to help you out right now, however because of the car, kid expenses...I can't. I wouldn't hesitate to help with other things, like fix something or anything like that. But no large sums of cash. So be there for her, but don't be an enabaler.

[dh4320]

Thanks Atlas,

I have emailed her and told her what a huge expense it was for me just to get her into a car. I told her with the holidays and taking care of the kids she will have to wait on the money for the furniture,,, so again i am stalling there. She still has good credit if she needs furnishings she can go get them on her own and bill me baby!!! just a little humor but i also sent a lengthy email to my attorney about her neglect for seeing the children and also i was pissed yesterday cuz she could email and call about money but did not even ask about our sick 5 month old daughter, which i sarcastically thanked her in the email for not asking about our daughter, had to do it sorry dber's. On another note my buddy from the car dealership was on his way back from new orleans and stopped at a hooters in dallas on sunday and saw the W there with a friend of hers that is a stripper and has been in and out of rehab, so i will also forward that to my attorney, documenting everything, i guess going to hooters is more important than seeing her kids. it makes me, no she makes me sick right now, and the more i think about it the less i want her back in my life... this is not the Woman i married. which will probably be the start of my next thread...

[dh4320]

bump

[Atlas]

dh,

Not to sure about your state, and continue to document all you can in case you do need it, but going to Hooters and having a friend that strips are all legal. Now if she was putting the kids in harms way, around drugs and alcohol, that is diffrent. But I would keep that journal just in case your Attorney does need it for a big custody battle. 20k retainer for a divorce can go a long way, well maybe. There are huge diffrences in lawyer fees, my wife has spent close to 8k so far and I haven't even crossed 2k, and I got 10x the attorney she got. It also can become a war of atrition, if her attorney runs her dry on cash, she will kill herself and her case before you. So it's not all about the most expensive lawyer.

For instance in my case, my W asked for sole custody and more money in alimony and child support then I net in a month. She traded in a fully paid off car for a new car with a loan. I asked for everything split right down the middle and was very amicable. The Judge saw right through her game, they see it all day long, and so I got exactly what I asked for and she got nothing of what she wanted. Play fair and straight. Court isn't a place for emotional closure, they are there to merely legally seperate a couple and divide assets, less dramitic then you think.