Gifts, looks like I'm trying to buy her off and once she started buying everything she wanted anyway, that is where I really started struggling with her and thus our problems escalated.
Something that popped out to me regarding this statement, C, is that you're limiting your ideas of gifts to things that have a monetary value -- not a sentimental value. Think of giving her something that shows that you went to a lot of thought and effort -- something that is symbolic of your love for her, represents something special about her, between the two of you, etc. For example, my W once made me a shirt that has both kids' hand prints on it (their hands were dipped in some colored liquid that permanently dried on the shirt) with the year the prints were made, and above the hand prints it says "Best Dad" and below the prints it says, "Hands Down!" What a cute idea, eh! It was thoughtful, and also showed that she put her own time and effort into making it. It was special (too bad I didn't appreciate it more). Another thing she did was laminated a special picture strip of the two of us that we took on a date inside a picture booth. She turned it into a bookmark (since I love to read). She also made me a unique personalized name plate for my desk after getting my first job as a teacher.
Did anything of these gifts cost much money? No. Did they show thought, love, and consideration? Absolutely. Think about what you can make her or do for her that shows this kind of love. I have a friend from dance that loves to knit. She told me a few weeks ago that what she would LOVE to get from her boyfriend for Xmas is a pair of knitted gloves (or something knitted) that were made BY HIM. She followed this statement by saying she doesn't think it'll ever happen, but that's what she would love. She always knits things for him, and she would love to see him put in the time and effort to make something for her that shows her his respect & appreciation for what she does for him. Heck, she doesn't even care if they fit well, as long as he does his best! It shows her his unconditional love for her. It is a symbolic gesture in her mind, and it's pretty easy to see how something that costs so little could bring them so close, isn't it?
Okay, that's my point. Hope it makes sense. Wish I would've thought about things like this. Like you, I just bought my XW nice, expensive, tasteful gifts that I thought she would like, never considering that they held little significance in terms of showing genuine love. It was like you said -- buying her off, or something.
