Since my H is truly a great guy I am only sometimes angry at him. I only recognize that I am when I find myself inexplicably angry with someone who has only committed a minor transgression. Then I basically can't find my H since his strategy is to be very "busy" if he senses tension. We have been down the road about sex a million times - he's stressed, tired, feel out of shape, of course he's attracted to me, no, he has no axe to grind with me, he's happy in our M, etc... blah blah blah. I've asked to commit to a schedule - the answer is "No, it isn't flexible or fun to do it that way." Increasingly, I don't give a crap. Then I do and I get tense before I even recognize it. Then I get a grip on myself and carry on.
Karen
Karen,
Didn't want to hi-jack LustforLife's thread although you two seem to be going through similar deals. Karen, this absolutely kills me inside. I avoid reading your posts like the plague...but eventually I'm drawn back into them and I get that same hurting feeling all over again - this is nothing against you..trust me! I have sooooo much respect for you and what all you go through. A part of me gets so f*cking angry about your husband...I'm sorry if that offends you. Funny as it may seem..through these message boards, I'm now able to think along the lines of an LD woman...I CANNOT say the same for an LD man..I can't f*cking do it! I have sooooo many questions I would love to ask this man.
You say you're is still attracted to me? Prove it! Take me in the bedroom and prove to me how much you are attracted to me.
You say you're happy in our marriage? Well isn't that special...last time I checked, there's usually 2 in a marriage and you want to know what would make me real happy in our marriage....{radio edit} me like you mean it.
You feel out of shape? ...come with me, sex is greeeaatt exercise..in fact I'll give ya a workout right now!
Schedules are not fun for sex??? And is not having sex since February at the top of your list for thrill rides....WTF!
I'm sorry Karen, none of these or my own personal frustrations are directed at you and I probably should not even submit this post but....I care!
I guess I've never come across an LD man either. I don't get Karen & LFL's H's either.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Believe me - it confuses the h@ll out of me. Sometimes it p!sses me off. Sometimes I am sad. Sometimes resigned. My H will say that he misses sex (if I bring it up) then do nothing about it. I have directly asked him if he is angry with me, sorry he married me, jif he finds me unattractive ......he denies all of it. Dom has pointed out to me that I don't have unalienable right to H's desire. That's easy I don't have it at all.
I think I am ok then yesterday I am in Starbucks and this 30 year old, buff gym rat kid strikes up a convo, compliments me and I recognize that I he would probably take me to bed if I worked it. D@mn it.
Believe me - it confuses the h@ll out of me. Sometimes it p!sses me off. Sometimes I am sad. Sometimes resigned.
Karen, Believe me - it confuses the h@ll out of me. Sometimes it p!sses me off. Sometimes I am sad. Sometimes resigned....AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!!! ((((((( Karen )))))))
Does nothing happen? Even if you initiate....
Originally Posted By: karen1
I think I am ok then yesterday I am in Starbucks and this 30 year old, buff gym rat kid strikes up a convo, compliments me and I recognize that I he would probably take me to bed if I worked it. D@mn it.
Just a thought...what would happen if you mentioned this to your husband? Piss him off? Make him sh!t or get off the pot? What?
If I initiate H will sometimes participate in a regular vanilla kinda way, sometimes he will lay there and he will accomodate me ("lay there and think of England") and sometimes he will come up with an excuse or even worse, pretend he doesn't realize that I am initiating.
If I mention that someone showed sexual interest in me, H takes it in stride, "Of course, you are hot". What????????????????????
Ok, how bout we try this...{as IC fumbles around in his pocket, pulls out a hand full of loose bills and slams them on the table} I'll be the first to ante up. How bout we all pitch in and buy your husband a nice set of cuff links or tie tack...no, no... A watch! A really nice watch...something that he wears and looks at everyday. We'll send RJ to pick one out...I hear she's really good at the holiday shopping
Ok, we got the watch...now we need some really uppity silver shiny wrapping paper with maybe some of that white little fru-fru ribbon and a bow...definitely a bow!! Lill, with your ankle still healing up...do you think you can find some time to wrap this thing up in a very decorative...but yet classy way? You can..good!!
RJ, did you keep the receipt...because I'm not too sure how this is going to go over.
Ok, now sometime in February {now this is all on Karen} Prepare a nice dinner...maybe even pull out that surf & turf recipe...slip into that hunter green lingerie..no, no, no...that little ice blue number you got. Winter time in Maryland..yea, go with the ice blue. Candles would be a nice added touch. Finest silverware & china you got...serve him dinner, making sure of lots of bending over in full view of him. In the middle of dinner, present him with the gift {ok Lill, we need the watch!} When he asks what's it for...tell him it's a one year anniversary gift, get up from the table, put on your robe and go take yourself a nice long hot bath....let him stew for a while trying to figure out what anniversary he missed. Hopefully he'll figure it out and the watch can act as a daily reminder of just how lucky he is and maybe..just maybe light a little fire under his azz about how much it bothers you
Sometimes I am sad. Sometimes resigned. My H will say that he misses sex (if I bring it up) then do nothing about it. I have directly asked him if he is angry with me, sorry he married me, if he finds me unattractive ......he denies all of it. Dom has pointed out to me that I don't have unalienable right to H's desire. That's easy I don't have it at all.
*cough*.. someone mention my name?
I think that statement/sentiment should never go mentioned without its counterpart.
I dont believe that anyone has an "unalienable right" to their spouses's desire, as you put it. However, I DO believe, that you have an unalienable right to their sexual attention.
You dont have a right to tell your spouse, "Find me attractive, dammit!" But you have every right to say, "I'm horney, show me you love me!", and expect him to show you ! [and no, I dont think that "laying there" is showing you]
(Also, it's only fair, if "show me you love me", isnt defined as "get an erection on demand". that isnt exactly fair. unless maybe you get discounts and prescriptions on demand )
Last edited by Dom R; 12/13/0706:27 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Forget the watch, IC. I am going to take that wrapping paper and help wrap Karen up, bow and all, and present her to her H because SHE is the gift.
The Mr. and Mrs. Karen take niceness and civility to new heights...personally, I'd like to see some of that holiday china thrown around! The "of course you're hot" comment, and then doing nothing about it makes no sense to me. I guess I don't get civilized dysfunction; I received my trained in the chaotic variety. When MrsNOP tossed pea soup in the kitchen,well, I didn't bat an eye...my mother did that one like 40 yrs earlier!
Karen, you impress me with your level of sanity and priority. Did any opportunity to have some amorous time come up at all during that vacation, or was it all business as usual?
[and no, I dont think that "laying there" is showing you]