Separated and hating it.

[Jen1967]

If it helps, I'm in a similar spot as you, as far as when we separated, the fact that there's an OW, our general ages. Also lately it feels like he's messing with me/stringing me along. Acts nice when he's here, then detaches. The best way the book says to deal with him being in the cave and potentially shortening the time in the cave is the following:

1. Don't disapprove of his need for withdrawing.
2. Don't try to help him solve his problem by offering solutions.
3. Don't try to nurture him by asking questions about his feelings.
4. Don't sit next to the door of the cave and wait for him to come out.
5. Don't worry about him or feel sorry for him.
6. Do something that makes you happy.

Granted, this is for folks who live at home and aren't having an affair, but the info I'm sure still applies. They're just in a bigger, deeper cave right now. Also, I STRIVE to achieve these things, I am always making mistakes. But I'm getting better at it.

Interestingly, there was a sentence in there that really stood out for me: Knowing that she is happy with him also gives him more strength to deal with his problem while in the cave. Then it says anything to "distract" her or helps her feel good will be HELPFUL TO HIM. examples: reading books, listening to music, calling girlfriends, shopping, gardening, exercising, indulging in something, seeing a therapist, watching TV, praying, taking bubble bath, taking walks, etc.

I've noticed when H sees me doing things happily without him, he seems CURIOUS.....

Don't give up hope LuvMyHusband. I'll probably be less strong tomorrow and sound like you today and I'll need your help.