With all due respect to your DB coach, I think you should take more of NOP's advice.
Icky confession follows: When I was married the first time (over 30 years ago), I had a three month affair (physical) with a co-worker. At first it was secret, but my H found out. The fact that he knew did NOT deter me. I'm not sure why. I was pretty mixed up in those days. I was in denial of the warped reality I was living in. Anyway, a "gentle reminder that you've noticed" is NOT going to do the trick.
The OM dumped me and my H took me back. But a year later I left him for someone else (I had NOT slept with this guy before I moved in with him-- odd, I know-- but of course my H thought I had been carrying on with the guy all along.) My exH has NEVER forgiven me, and frankly, I don't blame him. OM #2 and I broke up three years later (this was 1978).
The point is, you must take a FIRM STAND as NOP said. Being nice and gentle is not the way to go. I'm not saying to be mean, but you must be adult, firm, manly, and KNOW what you want. Get that clear in your head and then make that clear to her. That is something my exH never did.
Frankly, I don't attach much importance to her little kisses and shows of affection. Sorry to rain on that parade. This is serious and you've got hard work ahead.
