All great goals! Please add: Consult with an attorney.
I see many people on this board who get caught up in the symbolism of consulting a family law attorney. Try thinking of it as a business move. Your partner (wife) is making decisions that could have long-term effects on the company (family). By being informed, you can formulate a strategy to minimize these effects or compensate for them. Also, you can avoid mistakes on your part that might further jeopardize the company (family).
If there were no kids involved it wouldn't be such a big deal. In this case, their future is at stake as well...whom they might live with, assets available for their education, etc. Responsible parents think about these things instead of chasing "fulfillment" with some internet "soul mate."
Sorry about the tone of this post. Your wife's choices chapped my hide.
