Maybe not too complicated to understand

[Michael Mc C]

Long post here... So I've been working on trying to set some goals for myself. I don't have much of a list yet but some of the things I'm going to do are:

1) Work on health/fitness

• I need to join a gym. I've contemplated this for a while but always have an excuse. Right now the current excuse is the money but seriously, the gym down the road is $21.00/month. No need to put this off. I also need to add some basic exercises to my routine at home (walking before/after work, etc.)
• I've lost over 30 pounds since July (not all sitch related). I have been backsliding on some of the snacking and getting lazy about the foods I'm cooking. I need to stay focused on a healthy diet (39 tomorrow, my heart will thank me for this).
• Quit smoking. Since September I have been smoking more than I ever have in my life. This is a long-term goal but I am going to start off with simply cutting back (39 tomorrow, my heart will thank me for this).

2) Getting out in the world

• W and I have a close-knit group of friends but I need more variety in my life. Over the past few years I've been more outgoing with people in stores and on the street. I need to expand that into making real relationships.
• Volunteering within the community. I've been looking for opportunities to get out there and meet new people while also giving back to the community. I would love to work with Habitat for Humanity but, maybe because of the season, I haven't found anything similar in the area. I have a found a few opp's however that I could include the kids.
• Since beginning my GAL'ing (or what I thought was GAL'ing) I've been accepting invitations from people that I normally would not have, especially without W. Instead of simply waiting to be invited I want to start organizing events and get-togethers. This would be a big one for me as my W has historically handled things like this. I've already started with inviting people over to the house for my birthday tomorrow. Not a huge step but it felt good doing it anyway.

3) My job

• I need to remain focused on my job and my career. It has been too easy to get sucked into the sitch at home and spend hours on this board. I haven't screwed anything up yet but there have been some close calls with project deadlines. None of this is worth screwing with my career.
• Since my office closed in Sept '06 and I've been working from home I have been sleeping in until around 7:00. My first meeting is at 8:00. When I had to commute every day I was getting up at 5:30 which gave me plenty of time to ease into the day. I am going to start getting up early again so I can once again start the day slowly and with a clear head. There have been plenty of days where I've worked in my pajamas. Getting back into a normal working routine, I think, will help my PMA as well as my separation of work/home life (very important!)

4) Home life/kids

• I have 'threatened' to have my kids start taking on more responsibility around here. This has been a point of contention between me and W. There is no reason why these guys shouldn't have chores, in fact they NEED chores (IMO) to help build character.
• I need to spend more time focusing on things we need to get done around the house. In the early days of the sitch my wife complained about projects that needed to be done (this was one of the 'fluff' reasons for her dissatisfaction, I simply didn't do enough). Since she created the "daddy do-list" I've completed a few of these things but began slacking when I realized there was more to this than just some work not getting done. I've looked around and realized that these things really should be done, if for no other reason than general maintenance (celing repair, bathroom tile work, painting rooms, etc.)
• I need to find activities for the kids. I can't spend the weekends sitting around and neither can they. When I was a kid my parents always had something planned for us so every couple of weeks we would be off doing something.

Okay, most of these vague but it's a start. I'm going to take some more time to really get the details together.

One quick update. I found that I have been detaching but still need more work. I see my wife on the computer for most of the day and all night long. This still irks me (which is how I know that I need to detach more) because it's such a waste of time (IMO). I can't believe the hermit-like existence she has "grown" into but I also realize that it's not my problem. If this is how she gains fulfillment and happiness, so be it. I cannot judge and I cannot fix it. I'm working on simply accepting that this is who she is and what she does. Once I get there I think I will be well on my way.

One realization I have had is that if we had just met, this is not the type of behavior that I would find attractive. I know that some will say that she is simply escaping and needs someone to pull her out of this. As of now, this is neither MY concern nor my job. As long as there is an OM, I ain't pulling her out of anything - except decisions that will harm the kids.