CVA - Have I Done Everything...No!

[Nomopo]

How would you suggest "I show her Love" under the current circumstances?

Well, first but not getting angry with her, and by listening/validating (as you suggest). But as far as overt expressions of love, you can't right now, under the current circumastances. At some point, you could start trying very small, subtle things.

Until then, just try to figure out why she didn't feel loved. Learn what went wrong so you will do better in the next opportuntiy (with W, CW or someone else).

Basically why I did not address it, I don't know how.

I know.

Of course, my idea of showing love is providing for, sacrificing for my family plus of course being sweet to my W which I did for sure but the anger stuff pretty much wiped that out. Too late? I don't know, just know what else to do other than the "real" listening, empathizing that I did not do before

Have you read the Five Love Langauges? I suggest it. The idea is there are five basic love langauges, and each of us responds to one as our primary love langauge. They are Physical Touch, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Words of Affection, I think. On these boards people speak of 5LL, PT, RG, AOS, WOA and QT. Anyway, the real key is to use your partners PLL (instead of your own) to make them feel loved. So for you, you followed your "idea of showing love . . ., sacrificing for my family plus of course being sweet to my W which I did for sure," but that might not have made her feel love. You have to find out what her PLL is and use it. Finding that out will be tough in your circumstances, cause she waon't likely want to discuss it (and would advise trying anytime soon), and I found it hard to be sure about my W's. But the book is a great read. Christian author too, so you'll like that.

As the father therapist said in The Last Kiss - "It doesn't matter what you say to the ones you love, it only matters how you make them feel. That's all that matters." Or something like that, but it was a VERY POWERFUL LINE. As was this one: "You can't fail if you don't give up." Check that movie out. It's sad, but relevant.

Have a great day CVA!!! No, make it a GREAT DAY!!

Nomo