Micheal Mc C, Thanks for your message. I read your story and was moved that you too are going through an extremely difficult time. I also have realized my self esteem is in the gutter and I need to work on myself. We also share the fact that its been 20 yrs with our partners. Because of the way my D ended the marriage - abruptly with no warning - no counseling - not even a mention to me before hand that he was not happy in the marriage my D has been exposed to too much already. She was the one who first raised my antenae that he could be having an affair when he came home from taking her to the playground and she said he was talking to a girl on his cell. The fact that my 6 yr old felt the need to tell me that means even she sensed it was not right what he was saying. Then the cowardly way he ended the M on the phone. My D was right next to me and saw a mother who she had only seen cry once when our cat died crumble to the floor and sob. She cried and was very frightened and had no idea what was going on. Since then our arguments have been carried on right in front of her - his fault and mine. She knows her father had an affair. She heard us yelling about it. Its just a mess - everything was done so wrong. I have enrolled her in a program at school called "Banana Splits" which meets once a week for children of divorce but I have considered indv. counseling for her to try understand all these changes. The other day she told me "I dont like all this mad love". It breaks your heart. But in my husbands mind divorce is the best thing because my D will have a happy father. But in my opinion thats at the expense of his D. My D was very happy when we were together we never fought in front of her (in fact that was our problem - lack of comm.) but now she is confused and misses her father and as she says "misses the way it was". It sounds like you have handled the situation by protecting your children. Your doing it the right way. Keep it up.
