W and I had moved our usual Tuesday evening with D to Wednesday because she was working yesterday. W and I talked a little today, but not a whole lot - She seemed pretty distracted all day long. Anyway, I came home, picked up D and drove over to her house. I was pretty frustrated and tired after a boring day at work, but I sucked it up and got to W's house. We got together and drove over to the restaurant for dinner - On the way she asked if I had organized the hotel for tomorrow night, and I told her I had (even though she asked last weekend). She then asked if I got one bed or two. The response to one was "Wow, you're optimistic, aren't you?". I asked if I should change it, and she said it was okay.
We were both pretty quiet at dinner, but we played with D and tried to have a good time. W asked me what was wrong, but I just brushed her off and we made small talk. Eventually I ended up telling her that the house will be sold in mid-January and I need to find somewhere else to live. She didn't have much to say about it, toher than "I'm sure you'll find something".
We went back to W's house, got D ready for bed and she crashed pretty quickly. W and I watched TV for a while, then we talked a lot - It was strange. I'm just going to break it out into bullet points because I can't keep track of it all - No particular order.
1) W talked a lot about 'relationships'. She told me that she wasn't ready for another one, because she can't depend on anyone. She said she resented wasting so much time with people over the last ten years, but that her relationship with me was 'the best'. She said that she often gets caught up in the 'romance' of a relationship and doesn't deal well with the reality of it. The usual can't trust/can't rely on anyone/doesn't want to be disappointed again.
2) W said she was very disappointed with how things turned out. She talked a lot about how we did so much so quickly that we 'burned out'. She also added the usual 'I don't think people change'.
3) W made a lot of comments about me - Mostly positive. That I had been through so many changes and stress when we were first together that it was overwhelming. She also told me that she forgave me for things that happened, although she also said she can't forget.
W was very receptive to physical contact - We hugged a lot, cried some, kissed. She told me that she loved me. Honestly, W just looked so exhausted and stressed out. I did a lot of listening, validating and I did my best to appreciate her point of view.
When I left I joked with W about taking one of her cats, then I went back in and gave her a kiss. She asked why I did that, so I just said "because I think we can do better" and left it at that. She said we could talk more tomorrow. We pretty much have to spend Thursday evening and all of Friday together, so we shall see how that goes.
I really don't get why W does a lot of what she does - Invites me over for dinner, tells me everything (almost) that is going on with her, kisses/hugs/ILY, and so forth. Maybe it doesn't matter, and it is all just a 'what you do, not what you say' thing.
