Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning

[phbear316]

Jeanette

I'm glad you got to have your meeting with Rich, You know, i just realized that my H's first name begins with and R also, it Ronn. How our paths are so alike.

I feel the relationship and marriage that h and i have right now needs a hero. And i want to get the strength to be that hero. FInd the good in this, for i know there is. I would love to say that line to ronn about us crashing, and one of us should have stepped up. It is very true, I totally admit it. I should have stepped up, I should have been the hero in this relationship, but i am not, not right now. Need to find my super girl strength.

I need to get out of this funk of sadness, and despire. Again another night has gone by and h still has not said one word about leaving on tues. Will he tell me he is gone when he calls me from florida. Maybe new game plan for him. You know i honestly want him to tell me and get it over with. Right now I don't know weather i don't care at this point, i am in shock he is doing this, or i don't want him to be here with me on christmas. Because he is not here anymore, does that make sense? I know my emotions will spin when he does tell me. But how do i say I am at peace he is not going to be with me dragging me down. I would rather be alone that be with someone who does not want to be with me. Be with me if you want to not because you have to. Big difference. I would rather him be in fla away from ow than be here and with her when h should be with me. So i guess I am willing to let him go to fla to keep him and her apart. dont know

I don't now know about tomorrow and the gallery opening, the weather is supposed to be yucky, I spoke to my friend and he agrees if its too crazy we will reschedule. So i am not feeling so anxious about not going. Almost told h tonight that i was going to a gallery opening but no, stopped myself.

See, I need to teach you something, you should have ordered two wines, then you would have gotten four. Silly girl. Go easy on the house cleaning LOL

I myself am going to take a double, maybe a triple shot of nyquil, for this cold is killing me.

Thinking is what silly old bears do best jeanette, i am always thinking and re thinking and re thinking everything. that is a big fault of mine. Always with the what if and such.

Thank you for believing in me, thank you. I'm glad things went ok with Rich. I'm glad your happy.

Bear