Once again bear....i cannot stress to you enough how you should stop "THINKING". We tend to make things up in our minds as we don't really know whats going on so we make up the most horrible of things.... \:\) Yup...GUILTY But shoot. If they tell us [censored] we make up [censored]. So [censored]!

I met with Rich. He is the most saddest looking man I have saw in a long long time. I caught several inuendos that he does live alone. By this time I have nothing left but to speak the truth, and I expect the truth back. I said to him, honey, your supposed to be happy now, yet your so sad.....then I asked him if he and Fabiola were doing ok. He asked me why. I told the truth. Just because you stopped loving me, did not mean I stopped loving you. Just because we are divorced does not mean I do not care. He had mentioned something about his house being a mess. I said....I have to ask, if your living with Fabiola why is the house a mess?? He said "I THINK TOO MUCH". "I ASSUME TOO MUCH". I had to tell him that the only reason I do this is because YOU DO NOT TALK TO ME! he said what do you want me to tell you? That I'm finanically broke? Don't have 20.00 to put gas in my truck? (He makes ALOT of money) I said yes, tht is exactly what I want to hear, as your friend, maybe we can come up with something to take away some of your hardships.

He SEE'S the change in me!! But of course, he had to make a little quip about it. Something like, wow, I see you have changed alot and are so thoughtful about things. I said I had, I no longer think the same way, but don't get me wrong, I still have a bit of a shallow side Then he had to go mention a voicemail I left him 3 months ago. I was PISSED! So he was like, yes, I see these changes, but how long do they last, as I see it as your UNSTABLE \:o Grrrrrrr.

To make this long story short. My xhusband who makes well over 6 digits a year IS BROKE! Yes, WE BOTH want to sell this house. Too many bad memories here. The funny thing is, he mentioned buying a condo or even renting as his philosphy now is to take that extra money and do things WE enjoy. Yes, I heard the WE word a few times. I agreed. My son is grown, he has no children.

He is working 10 hour days 6 days a week. The man is EXHAUSTED. He has not been out to dinner out to a movie or out to play pool in forever....I said I would love to take him out next week. He said we will see. I said no, we will not see. I need an honest answer NOW! No more back burners......he said he would check his schedule for the upcoming week, then he said if I want I can call him at work... \:o I said ARE YOU SURE? as it takes me hours to get up the nerve to call you, because I am tired of hearing resentment and rejection in your voice. He said yes...call him tomorrow.

HELLOOOOOOOOO LIMBO LAND! Goodbye caring, cuz either way it goes. I am going to be JUST FINE! And I told him JUST THAT!

So the moral of my story is......bear, hang in there! It ain't over till you say it's over! Once you find your freedom and let go of those emotions that keep you stuck, you never know.

Now, I am not saying that this is what I want. I am just saying that this man, whom I loved so dearly for so long, might be worth saving.

We talked more about how our marriage failed than ever. This time it wasn't the blame game. I took first responsibility. I said when we both saw us crashing one of us should have stepped up, but when two people are hurting, it is hard to do. Now that the initial hurt is over, the healing can begin. For both of us.

We shall see. I may not want this. I enjoy being single and free to come and go as I please. But I love him. I told him that too. Hell, I am already divorced so what does it matter now??

OK, off to bed as my head is spinning away again!

OH....wait, he made a funny tonight. We went to Chili's right....so they have happy hour, buy one wine get the second free....so I ordered ONE and she brought TWO...I said OOOPSIES, I forgot I get two fer one....he laughed and said No she didnt I playfully smacked his hand and said yes I did.

thats it. thats as far as I want to take my thoughts.....or whats left of them.

Be well bear.....you'll be better than fine soon enough.

Jeanette

Change the Policy.
Allow PM's
Free all of us.

Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!

:-)