I don't really invite opinions on the details of the affair any longer. Shock and outrage is entirely appropriate but at this point no longer productive.
The leaving the baby alone thing - this was a long time ago. As far as I know the physical affair is no longer happening. The OM is still "in the picture" - I believe there is regular communication, but I do not believe there is an ongoing physical affair. He is 3 states away at this point. W is no longer drinking. (All 2007, while I was in the house, she drank a lot).
When I walked out the door I said - we have to sell this house. The next day she called and asked me to go to MC. I agreed not to force the sale of the house on that condition. We got off to a slow start - she delayed selecting a counselor, she delayed on choosing a date. Finally the day came. I reacted emotionally in the first session. She never went back. 2 weeks later she advised me she was filing for divorce. 2 weeks after that I received the papers. Now (1 week later) I am again telling her we need to sell the house. Again she is delaying.
I Feel you. You're outraged. so am I. And I'm saddened. But on the other hand I am trying to be not vindictive. I don't think this is easy for her at all. This is not a reward for her. It's ok for me if the consequences don't happen instantly, or all at once like an atom bomb. In some ways it is better to have them coming like a slow train, coming, coming coming. Gives her more time to think. But they are coming. The consequences are pretty clear and they are coming inexorably. My bad for taking so long in forcing the issue, but it is happening now.
Yes, she refuses to give up this guy as a friend to save her marriage, and I totally understand that, because to do so would be to admit how wrong she has been for so long. She has refused to grant me any respite. When I moved out she changed the house around just to stick her finger in my eye. As if that matters! For now she is demonizing me. Whatever. She may never be able to admit she has been wrong. I hope that is not the case.
In some small ways I see glimmers of hope. She invited me to a family dinner the other night. First time in 2 months we ate together. She pointed out that she hasn't had a drink in 2 weeks (I hadn't asked).
other things too.
I am trying to be patient. Cheerful. Lovingly firm.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
