Pregnant and abandoned #3

[blindsided1]

Believe me I know this to be true. I DO. Even though I sound completely hopeless, I know this. I know it doesn't seem to be working and it makes me clingy because I am trying to hold on and what I really need to be doing is letting go. I am having a really difficult time letting go. It scares the crap out of me, because one day, I know in my heart that he is going to want back in. I fear that all this pain and agony will have hardened me by then and he will have no chance. I gave him that opportunity and he is turning it away. He has cast me aside for something that isn't real. It kills me because I know if I truly let go, it's over.

[craig54]

blind , if you don't let go its over already. you must let go. i know its hard. its like sand flowing through your hand. don't pursue. we all go through this. there is a process to madness of was. every sitch i have read flows the same basic way. the more you fight it the longer it could take. it will take time. i am only into it 11 weeks. but it is getting easier. realize your h is not thinking straight, that will help, it has helped me deal with some of the things my w does.don't give up.

[blindsided1]

Ok. Another question. I'm starting to feel kind of angry. I have been going over in my head what H has done, specifically the way he did it (cheating, leaving me at 6 weeks pregnant after we tried fertility for months, moving in w/OW he barely knows). How he doesn't check in on me and the baby to see how I'm feeling or if there has been any issues. He only calls me when he needs money or sex. He is living in his fantasy world where he is sooo happy and left me to deal with the bills and the heartache and the pain. I'm getting pretty pissed. So, at this very moment, I don't want to have anything to do with him. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him. I'm really hating him about now. So, here is the question: when he calls or texts, do I ignore it? What if it's something I can't ignore, my first instinct is going to be to get angry. Everyone says that I should stay upbeat and act "as if". Isn't that re-enforcing the idea that he can treat me like crap and I'll still be happy and upbeat. He never has to be accountable for HIS actions? I don't understand how this works.

[ann25]

First let me say... YAY. that probably sounds mean, but you can use every bit of that anger to detach. Tell yourself over and over again "i deserve love. I deserve a loving R. I deserve better than he is giving me right now. I will make myself happy" maybe eventually after he pulls his head out of his a$$, he'll give you what you need, but right now, he just doesn't care.

If he texts/calls you on something trivial, ignore it. for exapmle "what are you doing?" "who were you with" "why haven't you called"

If he needs something specific "did the phone bill get paid" (not sure what he'd be asking you that even matters at this point, but anyways...) Don't speak with him. Leave him a message or txt him. Yes or NO. Part of it is also keeping things brief and to the point.

the idea of you being happy and upbeat is to show him that you don't need him to be happy. Do you want him in your life? yes, but will he destroy you if he's not? No, or at least he doesn't need to know it right now.

Anything you can answer yes or no, do that. Anything else? keep it short and sweet. I'd avoid actually talking to him though because he might trigger an emotion that you can't control or think about and you might not be happy with the way you respond to him.

[Startingover2]

Uggh..I know blindsided how hard it is to not text back. My H sends me the how are you? texts alot. Then when I don't respond he will keep sending them over and over. But something does happen when you don't respond.....you feel like you are taking just a bit of power back and some of your own self esteem back that he trashed. Look at it that way.

[WAS32]

You gotta do this for you! you are doing a good job. And don't worry about what he is thinking. IT DOESN"T MATTER! You will be connected to him for the rest of your life. Take some time and figure out what makes you happy that has nothing to do with him. And then go do it.

[blindsided1]

Okay, I'm still pissed. I usually carry my phone around with me, just in case. It's upstairs, I'm downstairs on the computer. As much as it hurts and as much as I feel so little compared to his great love affair and new shiny toy (OW), I am NOT giving in. I am NOT calling him. One of the things that hurts the most right now is the fact that I know he knows that this is hurting me. He knows that when I don't talk to him I feel sad and it sucks because he just doesn't care about me. He sits there and tells me that I mean everything and then he can so easily just ignore me and pretend that I no longer exist. I guarantee you that the moment he needs something (money, whatever), I'll get the text. But, I don't think he will text just to see how I am doing or truly care how I'm doing. I just keep telling myself that he'll get his and so will OW. I just want it to happen soon. And, I would love to be there to watch it (not really, I was just being evil). But, I still want them to make each other miserable. Now damn it. I hate trying to be patient.

[JennyF]

I hear you on the patience blinsided!! But you're sounding better...you sound more in control which is great.
Don't let him have the control!!
J~

[blindsided1]

I woke up pretty sad again this morning. It was day 4 of not talking to him. Then about 9:30am he texted me "how r u feeling?". I waited a while and then just texted back that I was fine, but had passed out yesterday at the Doctor's office. He wanted to know why I hadn't told him. I basically said that I hadn't heard from him in 4 days and didn't want to bother him. I know, I know, laying on the guilt a little thick. But, I couldn't help myself. He should feel guilty for not being here for me. It sucked that I couldn't turn to him. And, it's not fair that he gets to cast me aside while he is off in la la land and I'm not even supposed to tell him was and a$$hole I think he is for doing that. Was I terribly wrong? Or just a little? I wanted to just not text him back, but I'm not at that point, yet. I'm getting closer. I at least waited a while before texting him back.

[blindsided1]

Now I need to know how to handle the fact that just because he texted me, I feel better. That can't be good. I feel like it will just all start over again. I feel good, now, because he finally texted me and I didn't give in. But, what happens when I don't hear from him again for a few days? I need a little pep talk.