H said our M is "platonic"

[Dom R]

Wow. from what was written earlier in the thread (rather than just that specific statement), I totally have a different reading than what you got, hairdog.

LFL, you wrote earlier in this thread, that "your husband loves you", and you did not seem to write anything that indicates you disbelieve him.

The area of conflict seems to be, that his actions towards you, dont fully match up with what he says his feelings are.

You said to him, approximately,
"I'm not happy. How can you claim to be happy when you admit we have a platonic M?"

And his reply to that was, " "I'm not going to be the one to end this. It will have to be you."

there's a few subtleties i see in there, that you might be overlooking, because of your level of unhappiness in your marriage.

One is: there's a difference, with being truely happy with the marriage, vs unhappy enough to file for divorce. A very, very large spectrum of possible feelings about the marriage, on his part.

Secondly: Your statement, has an assumption in it. It assumes, "no-one can be truely happy, in a platonic marriage".

That assumption isn't true for everyone
Certainly, for your part, you are not happy in a platonic marriage. It doesnt mean that he cant be happy, or "happy enough", in one.

However, even after saying all that... ! it doesnt mean that there's no room to fix something between you and your H.

You mentioned that he had already changed a lot of what you have asked of him. That, i think, puts actions behind his claims of loving you. Plus , it shows that he is definately "willing to change", unlike some husbands.

In a situation like that... sometimes, its a matter of the person (or in some case, persons ) realizing what's on the line, and what they could potentially do, in a realistic sense, to change the course of things.


Sometimes, if a demand is made of a person, but it is asked in a way that they see as impossible... then they give up, because they believe you are asking them to do the impossible, so what's the point of trying further?

I think that may be the case in your marriage right now, in the sex department.
I also think that there are different things and ways you could ask something of him, that he would be willing to do.

It would probably never be as thrilling and exciting as your OM-sex. So if that's what you are looking for, that truly would be asking the impossible of him. But then, sex with that same OM after 10 years, probably wouldnt be as thrilling either, right?