Still hopeful for some pleasant surprises

[SirPrizeMe]

Having stated those as firm boundaries... I still want to reconcile. I am willing to recognize there are things I could have done better in our marriage, and I am very willing to work on them. I believe in forgiveness and redemption. I believe in marriage. I believe everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes. I've made lots of em, and still do, every day, and I am thankful for all the forbearance and forgiveness my friends and family and even strangers have given me. It's a beautiful thing.

Toward that end I am DBing.

• I am continuing with my life. I'm getting a condo (which will force her to move).
• I'm hanging with old friends and making new friends. I am spending time with my kids.
• I am cheerful everytime I interact with her, though it took me a while to get to that point.
• I am developing courage. In the past, I had allowed the things she was doing affect my mood. I acted in fear. When I moved out, I was distraught (no house, no place of my own, much less time with kids). When she announced she was filing papers, I was worried and afraid. When I got the papers, again, I was afraid. Darn it, I don't like what a divorce will do to the kids, and I'm afraid of that. But it does me no good to react to her. I am acting as if I am moving on now. I am acting as if I'll be ok (and I will be). Everything will not be "fine" but it will be ok, I guess, regardless what happens.

I prefer to stay together but I have no control over her. I can only take care of me.