Still hopeful for some pleasant surprises

[SirPrizeMe]

Some additional details on the circumstances under which I left the house...

Even after promising me she would stop, even after I calmly told her I would not accept the continued presence of OM in any way in our marriage, W continued to talk with OM and considered him her "friend". This guy has been into and out of alcohol rehab, and even after rehab has been arrested multiple times on DUI charges. (W told me in May 2007, "he's got it under control now." uh huh. right.) At the time they were "an item", alcohol was a major theme in their relationship. Every time they met, there was alcohol, even if it was in the morning. He'd drive 25 miles over from his house to mine, middle of the night, leaving his three young children, one of them under 2 yrs old. She allowed it. She knew there was an 18 month old baby alone with no parents, when he came to see her. She told me all this. Together the two of them broke up 2 families affecting 7 kids. Then the both of them blamed their LBS's. This is just bad behavior, bad parenting on both sides. Totally unacceptable to me.

I have zero tolerance for that behavior, and zero tolerance for her if she continues any relationship with him. Zero. If she wants a romantic relationship with that guy, or even if she wants to keep him as a "friend", she can have it, but I won't stay in that marriage. I told her exactly that before walking out the door, after she informed me that "he'll always be my friend."

That's where we are.

If she gets to the point where she can say "dang, I screwed up, I don't want him, I want you. I respect you as the father of my children, I respect your loyalty and good heart, I am thankful for what you have done for me, for the family for 14 years..." then I could go back.

ok, obviously that's dreaming. But if she could say, "dang, what a mess! I'm not sure I'm making the right decisions here. Maybe this marriage thing is worth another shot..." then I could go back.

But I will not go back while she continues to transfer her self-anger and shame to me, while she continues to blame me for the muck-pit she has gotten herself into.