In regards to what you DO say to your w... even if her LL is quality time, and your off GALing, I think it can still work to your advantage. You want her to have a chance to WANT you. If your not giving her that chance, how will she? You can still give plenty of quality time that is not smothering while you are GALing.
Just start working on you and quit focusing so much on what to do for her or with her. It usually ends up falling in place by itself.
I think you should not bring up R convos. even if she never did before. She's confused about it, and bringing it up is just going to be frustrating for her. that's not going to be a fun convo for her or you. So start GALing and having new types of convos and also convos inquiring about her. She said you never acted like you loved her because you didn't pay much attention to her, so now you can genuinely be interested in her and what she has to say. Encourage her and point out the good things about her. in a sincere and not in an overdo it way. Was it you that said you'd always say "I don't care, what do you want?" (sounds like me too, and I think it's a confidence problem in part) then how about cooking dinner for her one night without asking her "would you like this?" and just do it. Do like IW said (I hope correct me if I'm wrong guys) and be a man that makes a decision and takes charge.
and Heim is right, you CAN forgive, no matter what happened. and you have to if your going to get past this whether you get back with your W or not. just expect the worst, and make a decision to forgive her now. ask God to help you, we all need help sometimes. Also, you can't expect anything from her... that is the BIGGEST thing to remember. Just think of her as being ill right now, because really she is. You can't pull her out of her sickness, she's got to climb out herself, but you can definitely help show her the way. Show her by example...
If you don't start changing yourself- FOR YOURSELF (not her)- and you don't start GALing (which brings up your PMA) then your life will not be an example to her and she will continue on the same path she is in and eventually leave and possibly find a better life down the road as she starts learning what she needs and that she can't rely on someone else to make her happy.
BUT, if you start changing for yourself, becoming the best YOU that you can be, start enjoying your life, become confident, love yourself, and love others, then she will see this and although it will take time, she will want that for herself. She will become interested in you and your new life. Did she make a mistake after all? That is what you want. Really, your goal is to make her second guess herself. Cause probably right now she's just verifying to herself that it isn't going to work, but she's feeling very guilty and that's why she's back. So you want to confuse the heck out of her. Eventually, she's going to come around. But you have to be consistant, and you have to make the changes for yourself, otherwise they won't be real. Words don't make any difference to her, it's your actions that she's watching, and she's going to be watching if your changes are real or just to try to win her back.
does that make sense?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Eventually, she's going to come around. But you have to be consistant, and you have to make the changes for yourself, otherwise they won't be real. Words don't make any difference to her, it's your actions that she's watching, and she's going to be watching if your changes are real or just to try to win her back. 
