I drafted the following email. Only a draft -- comments?
Oh, babe, I am so sorry. What the hell was I thinking? Obviously I wasn't. It just came out. I honestly don't dwell on the past all the time. I don't know why I brought that up when you are coming home and I just want us to be happy. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach and I can't quit crying now. I'm so afraid that you are going to tell me you don't want to be w/ me anymore if I can't just let go of the past. I honestly have, babe. I don't mistrust you at all - I know that you love me and want us to be together. Maybe it's just that it's coming up on a year and there have been so many reminders lately. I put on my winter coat yesterday and pulled out a card from the counselor we went to. When I think of Cade's bday party, I remember that you were just waiting for his bday party to be over last year before you finally told me you wanted a divorce. And maybe, honestly, I'm still so scared that you are going to change your mind again.
Just my opinion....NO, NO, NO!!! By doing this, you're basically telling him that it still is a big deal with you. I'm just trying to picture how I would feel about something that Miss IC said to me....if she came and said a light little apology, I would think that it was just a light little passing thought she had and slipped up...if she came back with an e-mail of what you said...then I would know that something is bothering her more than she lets on..just my opinion though
Thanks, IC, I guess I'm just so freaked/scared about the whole thing b/c it was said in anger / was a total slap in the face towards him. Like I said, so totally uncalled for on my part.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I'm not saying to suppress your feelings...I've been following you over in the other forum..as much as you want to think that it doesn't, it still bothers you about what your husband did. It still bothers me about what my ex-wife did to me what 8-9 f*cking years ago. Now is not the time!!! My advice is to down play this as much as you can. Blame your anger on something..other than him & the past..the boys gave you a hard time getting ready for school..the orange you just bought from the store was rotten..Hell, tell him one azz cheek got more tan than the other and you wanted everything to be perfect for when he got home Down play it, now is not the time..this upcoming month is not the time. Somewhere down the line, that talk will and should come.
I usually DON'T do stuff like this; I usually DON'T bring stuff up at all. I just feel like sh!t now. I had no plans to *talk* about anything while he was home. I honestly have no plans to talk about everything when he gets home for good. I, just as much as he I'm sure, want to just move on. I don't usually feel the need to hash & re-hash everything.
I guess bottom line is 2 things: #1 I'm still afraid I can't live up to what I think he wants me to be and #2 that he's going to just say screw it and decide to leave again.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Red, I second the comment to calm down. You are putting a LOT of pressure on yourself and trying to hard to make everything perfect. Don't send the email. Don't do anything. Just keep things lighter... Even though he's not returning from combat, he's probably stressing about the reunion, too. Try to lighten up a bit, even though you don't feel like it. Talk less. Don't fall over yourself explaining things. Cool down... try to take off some of the pressure.
Ok, I agree with all of the advice so far. Reread it, ok? You ARE still a little mad, even if you had no intention of dredging the past up again. You slipped. Your insecurities and anger got the best of you for a moment. You're human and you're a human who was hurt and is scared of getting hurt again. But, it's not how you want to be, not how you want things to go, so **if** you feel like it's best to say something, say about 1/4 of what is in the email. Tell him you're sorry, it was uncalled for and came out of nowhere and the reminders are there, even if you don't mention them. Then, make it all good. You are looking forward to him coming home, with no R talk, etc. Switch the mood to excitement and happiness, b/c you BOTH need that right now and deserve it.
Good luck! We're all pulling for you and excited for you guys!
Well, I did just that. I just said I was really sorry for the comment and he said that's ok and we went from there.
I'm just still kicking myself b/c obviously, he is still hurt/angry at my comment and I can hear it in his voice now. I hate that I've done this -- now I'm just going to have to wait until he gets home and try to "right" everything instead of everything being just fine before I opened my big mouth this a.m.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Ok, you said you're sorry..now drop it and walk away! Next time you guys talk...no mention of it, no more "I'm sorry again for what I said" Let it go and be that excited Red that is so looking forward to his arrival...funny story about what one of the boys did or said, tell him about that new gum you're chewing to kick the smoking habit {hint..hint} Let the cell phone comment go away and chances are that when he hears how you sound next time you talk...he'll do the same.
Quit beating yourself up over this...what 2 1/2 more days? You're fine
I hate that I've done this -- now I'm just going to have to wait until he gets home and try to "right" everything instead of everything being just fine before I opened my big mouth this a.m.
He's a big boy. He can get over this by himself. Don't feel like you have to "right" things. You can't do all the work. I'm not saying don't be pleasant... but he has his share of responsibility, too. He's on a short fuse and HE has to change that.
I had a blow out this evening. I don't usually snoop and when i went to get the key to H's car as I wanted to use it I found his cell phone and I just picked it up and went through the 'messages In' box.
Now there was one message from a number i didn't recognise and it just said
"Please call me. K"
Well K was the name of the OW and without thinking I went downstairs and confronted him infront of the kids. He got cross and asked me what I was doing and why and I stormed off feeling sick inside.
when I got back H had calmed down and said that K was also the name of his Co. lawyer and he then logged on to his work emails and showed me one from her with her cell no. on the bottom.
I have calmed down but I still feel sick.
These things happen - bad memories click back in and you are so wound up about H coming home.
Just move on. I know exactly what it's like.
((((HUGS))))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Down play it, now is not the time..this upcoming month is not the time. Somewhere down the line, that talk will and should come.
