Back at DB/new marriage new WAW

[Atlas]

dh,

I think your doing the right thing. I think there are times you have to help and others you don't. Helping enables them, and you become co-dependent. One of the EN is financial security, well you provided that, and now the carpet is ripped out from underneath her. Sounds like her rock n' roll lifestyle is really paying good dividends.

That is one thing that bothers me, are these MLC, or oh crap I'm 30 I need to be 20 again idiots. Are they missing something about life, what is real happiness? All of that crap is fun for a few years and then it losses its luster. Let her go see if for herself.

Plus, if you help her she can't lose on the trust bank with the OM. By not helping her, she has to turn to OM for support, sorry baby, this is my drug, booz, OW, whatever money. Soon she sees that she is nothing but an object to him. Helps with the destruction of their relationship.

I wouldn't be closed off to helping but if she needs a bill paid, don't give her the money pay the bill. If she needs food, give her a grocery gift card.

[dh4320]

thanks Atlas,

THat is the approach i am doing with her. When she said she needed groceries, i told her to use a credit card and i will pay that portion of it, if its albertsons, krogers whatever at least i will know i am paying for a charge at a grocery store. I think her Aunt hit it on the head in conversation last night, she wanted to be a wife, mother and raise children until she hit 25 and realized wow this is not what i expected. So i will keep doing what im doing, my 5 month old daughter is home today from daycare, she kept me up all night coughing and weezing, live in texas and that cold front came through yesterday from OK so the dry cold air is getting to her. So i will me in and out of the board today... still no contact with W me nor the kids.

[dh4320]

just got a call from a friend who saw the W's car at the sitters, so at least she finally made it up here to see our S. I am home with the baby which im sure the sitter will let her knw that the baby is sick. still dark on both ends...

[Atlas]

dh,

For what it is worth, are you journaling on some word document how often she sees the kids, and what your doing taking care of them. If push comes to shove make sure you have that to to protect the kids from her.

[dh4320]

i am journaling and forwarding it to my attorney, kinda interesting that the same friend drove by again and said W's car is gone, so she maybe visited our son for an hour after not seeing him for 5 days pathetic...

[fb2]

I wouldn't be closed off to helping but if she needs a bill paid, don't give her the money pay the bill. If she needs food, give her a grocery gift card.

dh,

Seems a bit harsh on someone you love, but I second this suggestion from Atlas. I would also try giving specifics of OM to people close to W and who are concerned about her - may put a lid on things so she can't live a lie.

- fb2

[dh4320]

people that are close to her know about OM, that is why people close to her have distanced themselves from her. SHe is either alone or with OM, she really doesnt have anyone else to hang out with, so it will either make her grow closer to him, or make her realize he isnt all she thought he was.

[ann25]

Hi DH

It sounds like you are doing good. I think its a good idea to pretty much cut her off maoneywise. She's either got to grow up and take some responsibility or ... who knows, but she can't just keep waiting around for you to bail her out. interesting what her aunt said about hitting 25 and realizing this is what life is. sounds almost like a very early MLC. anyways, there is no understanding her actions at this point, but you sound like you are right on track!

[dh4320]

thnaks Anne,

I spoke with the sitter a bit when i picked up S, she said W was only around for about 1 1/2 hours and interacted with S, but the sitter said it was just like another child interacting with S when W showed up he di not run up to her like he does me. W hadnt seen S in about a week. I feel a little sad about this, i know there is nothing i can do about it but its sad the way the W is neglecting her children. Or is it her guilt that is taking over and its hard for her knowing she can still only see them supervised. I believe she is ashamed of what is going on and its another way for her coping to run away from the kids as well. It will definitely not help her case to be primary parent as i have said b4 i am documenting this and a person who doesnt have a job and wants to fight for her children should be making every attempt to see them.


DH

[dh4320]

Hi all,

Just got back from my C session and the sitter told me the W called and left a message. SO the message seemed upbeat, she called to see if she could come over and get some things, asked if she could gett he big blowup mattress so she would have something to sleep on asked if i could give her the money i told her i owuld so she could get some furniture and then she began to stall then asked about getting the rest of her things, there really isnt much here for her to get, and then a lot of ums and ums then ok bye. I am kinda in a freeze right now, she could have emailed all this or tm but no she calls not my cell but the house. I dont want to read into too much, even my C told me she will start calling with excuses just to call, i dont feel this is one of them but i am not going to call her back until tomorrow. I called my C after the message and asked him how i should handle this, he pretty much follows the db advice, dont expect too much ask how shes doing but dont give in to her too much, just kinda let things go where they may. Hearing her upbeat did not feel very good, nor did the fact that it sounds like she is getting a place finally. But as far as the money for furniture i am not going to give her cash, i am going to stand firm that the money will go to furnituree so i will tell her to go to a furniture store and pick out 5K worth of stuff and i will send the store a cashier's check. What do you guys think i should do tomorrow i am a pretty stand up guy but a little nervous about doing things wrong, help