Fran, congrats for talking about the 800-lb gorilla in the living room. I don't think you were wrong not to tell him to go to AA. If you are going to be out of his life, you must be OUT of it. Also, as far as living under the same roof and/or behaving as a family, all you can do is request. He will do what he wants; you can't make him do anything. Cajoling, persuading, reasoning... none of those is effective. I think you can say things like: "This is what we're going to do and you're invited" and LEAVE IT AT THAT. (Wish *I* could take my own advice.)
The eagerness with which he wants to move out of the house is alarming to me... is there an OW? That just does not seem natural-- especially at holiday time. And for him to say that knowing you don't love him would make it painful for him to stay under the same roof with you? Huh? What about the kids?
You might want to put some of your questions on the soberrecovery.com board, too, just to get the pov of women who are used to dealing with and confronting the alcoholic mentality.
