The thing that bothers me is that sometimes I recognize a "kick the dog" thing going on where the lack of intimacy makes me get unnecessarily grumpy with people (the kids) who have nothing to do with it.
That is also one of my worst fears about staying in the M. The kids are young at this point and pretty oblivious to the chaos in the M, but as they get older and wiser, I'm sure they will sense my unhappiness. And "if mama's not happy, no one's happy" seems to ring true. I do wish I could just be happy in my M but I just can't get there. I'm feeling a little guilty about that right now.
Quote:
I must really keep fences tended or I might be swayable. My boss has repeatedly made it clear that he would love to do me but I'm not that dumb and he's not my type.
But if he were your type? See what I mean. I just can't see myself "sucking it up" for the rest of my life. I know I would go down a bad road. I know myself well enough there. I might as well be honest with myself for a change.
