I need support

[cat03]

Remember, I've BTDT, I only want what's best for you and really know how you feel, with that in mind....

Stop the hysterics, when I felt like pulling my hair and howl in pain I'd call a friend, not just anyone, but one who is a sweet christian friends who would listen and support me, or would call my cousing who also had been on my very shoes and at the end got her H back. That person from your group is utterly useless, so dont' call him/her again.
Honestly, honey, have YOU looked at what did you do to the M that made it fall appart? have YOU seen how your attitude/voice etc etc might've push your H away? I would've been an angry wreck had I not looked back and realized how I had put my H in last place, that I didnt' treat him right nor was the wife I shouldve' been. My H was no saint had his share of the falling appart of our M, just like your H.
Leaving is not the best way to fix things either, but maybe he felt that was the only way to let himself be heard.

Think back, way back, at what was the root of your arguments, and even if yours where valid, disect them and ask yourself "did I really have to have things done THAT way?" "could've I been happy if I would've just let somethings go?"
Whenever you are about to say something emotional think first "is this going to make things better or worse?" Challenge your emotions, just because you feel something doesn't make it true, dont' think with your feelings.

I assume you haven't read "the proper care and feeding of Hs" . All your answers are there. I have a 4yr old who insist in accompanying me in the bathroom and a 9yr old who also insists on cracking the door open and still talk to me while I'm there, but I find time, we go to the library, I read, go to the playground, I read, put kids to bed on time and have time before bed to read.
You are still angry, so angry you are tearing down whatever chance you might have of getting back together. Christmas for example, he said he tried, and obviously you dont' think it is enough whatever it is he tried to do. Perhaps, whatever he was going to do was the only thing he is capable of doing, he prob is also hurt, very hurt.

Saying that Christmas is ruined just makes you look neurotic, negative reenforcement never works. The year my H and I were separated we still had christmas meals at both our family's respective homes. At his mom's my H was again like a zombie, arrived late, fell asleep after opening presents and wouldnt' say much. Was my Christmas ruined? hell no, I went there determined to have a good time regardless of H, *I* did not look bad, I was not the one who abandoned the home, so I went there with a smile on my face, was pleasant and tried to be happy with my kids. Not your picture perfect Christmas, but it was what it was and I made the best of what I had.

Yes, it is unfair, but you dont' have to be sucked down the hole of despair. I think you were seeing a C right? or a group? whatever you are learning there make it your mantra, concentrate on the positive, on building YOURself up.
Time won't heal your wounds, you can go on for months angry and hurting. You must decide to move on and be happy regardless. You say you will never forgive him, well, I must be a giant sucker then, I forgave my H leaving our home with all of our savings and then having an A. He hurted me in ways I never thought he'd do, I've hurted like hell, but I decided that the pain wouldnt drag me down, that I had to become a better person BECAUSE of it, that the fire of trials will produce a stronger person.

It is ok to feel bad and cry and vent, I'm not saying you shouldnt', but give grief its place, don't let it rule your mind 24/7. You are a beautiful person whom God loves dearly, who matter to Him, remember that, wake up each day and challenge it, fight it, lift your fist and dare the negative thoughts to push you down.
Make the most of the tiem you dont' have your kids, go running, volunteer, fill fill your time, being alone with your thoughts will drive you mad.
As for your son, if he wants to be with his father, let him, dont' scold him, remember how hurt and confused he must be, he's an older boy now and needs his father nearby, many people who leave dont' give a hoot about their kids, at least your H does have him and want him around, your boy needs that.

I pray you decide to be strong, to realize that with or without your H you can have a happy family, that a man doesn't define who you are and what kind of life you can live.