Hubby is coming over for Christmas Eve and Christmas (asked if he could sleep in Guest Bedroom, to be here for when the kids wake up). Since moving out in September and starting his feverish affair with OW, he does not touch me at all, even as a friend. He does not wear his wedding band, he says he doesn't love me, there's no hope, is afraid of trying to reconcile. He shows me no love at all, but is not hostile anymore. Just friendly. Knowing all of this, do I buy him a Christmas present? I'm afraid to look pressuring, expectant, pathetic....but if he surprises me with some token gift (which I seriously doubt but you never know) then it would look insensitive if I didn't have one to give him.
Advice? (Rollercoaster or Jack Three Beans?)
Me 41 H 47 D9 S3 M 16 yrs WAH Sep 07 PA Aug 07 12/07 Admitted A 1/08 C 1/15 H needs me 5/7/08 came home 7/08 We moved to MD 10/08 M bad again 11/24/08 fled to GA(OW),filed D 12/8/08 Back in MD 12/23/08 I countered 12/29/08 path back?
What does your heart tell you to do? Buying a gift should not be done out of obligation but rather it should come from the love you have for your absent spouse.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I always did and this year I'm putting the kids names on them, although he dam well knows they are from me.
Had to, because I still love the guy.
Can't mess up my Christmas by not giving him something too. I don't want to look like the miserable one on Christmas morning.(He has been so miserable lately....not me though cause I'm getting a Life! )
E
Last edited by enlightenlife; 12/12/0707:44 PM.
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
buying a gift from the KIDS is ok...that is what I did for birthdays,Christmas, Father's Day...etc. If you would like to buy him something from you that is OK too!
There really is only one person who can answer this question. What do you want to do? Asking us and thinking about is simply a waste of energy.
I have been divorced for almost 7 years. While I mainly help my sons get things for their mother, I still usually have one item even if it is just a dunkin' donuts gift card.
Don't get in the habit of wondering what about every single move. You'll drive yourself nuts.
Thanks everybody. You're right. I need to figure out if I'm comfortable doing it. I think I want to, because the thought of not getting something makes me feel weird.
Me 41 H 47 D9 S3 M 16 yrs WAH Sep 07 PA Aug 07 12/07 Admitted A 1/08 C 1/15 H needs me 5/7/08 came home 7/08 We moved to MD 10/08 M bad again 11/24/08 fled to GA(OW),filed D 12/8/08 Back in MD 12/23/08 I countered 12/29/08 path back?
last year I just wrapped a box of chocs and put them in the bag from the kids, just a token gesture. He gave the lads some money to "buy your mum something nice, but don't tell her I gave you the money", of course they did.
last year it felt comfortable, this year none of us feel comfortable, we only discussed this tonight, neither of the lads feel that they can choose something, they both said they don't know what he would like, after two years they don't know what he is in to.
I looked at christmas cards tonight, but they don't print them with the words for the situation I find myself in
Jen - your situation sounds similar to mine, including your timeline. But IMP and Jack are right. No matter how similar, each situation is unique.
I will not be buying anything for my H from me. D11 and D13 want to give him gifts, got ideas from him and asked me to take them shopping. I did. D13 told me that H took them shopping for me. I can't, for a minute, think that he bought me something. He didn't for my birthday (but got gift cards from the girls).
So that is how I am handling it. But again - you really need to do what you feel is right.
)
