Adventures of Supermom...JennyF's 2nd thread

[blindsided1]

Jenny, did your husband ever tell you that he wasn't in love with you anymore? Did you ever lose hope? Was there a time when the distance between you grew? How did you handle it? These are issues that I am experiencing right now.

[JennyF]

Hi Blindsided,
Yes
Yes
and...
Yes

Love:
My husband is firm on the fact that he doesn't love me anymore. He says there were a lot of things he should have done differently a year and half ago when his feelings first started to change. But he didn't and he fell in love with someone else and now it's too late. BUT, I know that it isn't that black and white. Love is a choice and if you choose to let it go...it goes. And that's what he has done. I believe he will in time realize that there are things he loves about me and that he can find that love again if he wants to. That it can be nurtured and care for and can grow again if he is willing to put the effot in. But right now he doesn't want to and I can't change that. I read somewhere that "The grass isn't greener on the other side, you just have to water it on your side".
The key for me is to stand up and show him a woman worth loving!!

Hope:
I think I talked about this when I posted on your site. I have hope and most of all FAITH in my heart that he will return. BUT, I have stopped looking for signs of it, they are not there. I will become increasingly disappointed and sad if I look for the hope. I have to hold onto it my heart and believe in it. Sounds a little hoaky I know...but it's what I've got right now. I have also accepted that it is going to get worse before it gets better. He will get more serious with the OW...he has in order for him to realize it is a sham. That helps to keep the expectations in check. As RCR told me...Faith is believing in something when there is no evidence of it.

Distance:
We could not get any further apart than we are right now (unless he stopped coming to see the kids at all). We communicate only with regards to the kids. There is no small talk or friendliness. We have had sex maybe 5 times since I got pregnant in Feb and the last time was probably around June....he blamed that on the pregnancy but I know now it was because he had an OW. I am just getting to the point where I can distance myself because I realize it is the best way for me to accept that I have to let the marriage go for now. I find it helpful that he is acting like an unrecognizable person to me right now. So I don't want to be close with this alien...I don't know who he is. And I've stopped looking for the old guy. He's buried deep for now.

I'm focusing on me. Yeah...I'm constantly trying to figure out what he's thinking, but I've stopped trying to make sense of it. It doesn't make sense and I think deep down even he knows that. But there is nothing I can do to convince him he's wrong, nor should I. I want my marriage back together BADLY! I love him so much (the old guy that is) and I want him back home to give our family a second chance at happiness together. I believe he is better than the choices he is making and I believe that deep down he doesn't want to be this guy. BUT all of this means nothing if he doesn't believe it. And it means nothing if doesn't come to these conclusions himself.

I am willing to do anything to save my marriage and get the man I love back (well...almost anything!) and right now that means letting him go.
Have faith!!
J~

[phbear316]

Jenny

How do you do it, find that super strength. I so wish I had a little of your strengh. Maybe that is a fault of mine, I am looking for hope, and i have tostop looking for it. Just put it away in my heart.

The distance thing is getting me, h is in and out, you know this from my stitch. Finding it hard to focus on me, I am doing some things, but they don't feel right. I too want my h back with all my heart, and i want a second chance. My h says he gave me a second change 15 months ago when we first went for therapy, but i did not know that was my only chance. H was not communicating with me so i did not know there was still problems that were eating at him. I want the slate clear and i want another chance. I know i have changed, and i want to show h all my changes. I am willing to do anything also to save my marriage as well, but some days it feel bleek

Jenny how do you do it, but what ever you are doing you go girl!!
LOL !!
bear

[JennyF]

Today...I am here to brag!!!
I just put up MY OWN CHRISTMAS LIGHTS !!!
That's right..I DID IT! H was supposed to do it on Sunday and decided to come over and sleep on my couch instead. So I did it myself today. He was here last night and Mon night and could have done them then too, but didn't so I'm not waiting any longer.
Sure they're a little sloppier than normal and they aren't way up on the house like they usually are, but they are wrapped around the porch and around the archway and I think they're BEAUTIFUL! I can't wait for my D to come home tonight and see them, she's going to love it!
AND, I can't wait for H to see them!!
He wanted to bring a tree over and do the lights and instead I've done both! Who needs him?? Not me! Want him...yes...need him...NO!

Man this feels good!!!
Just wanted to share my GAL feelin' good vibes!!
J~

[blindsided1]

Way to go Jenny. I wish I had your strength and in such a short time. I can't even seem to ignore his texts or deal with a couple days of no contact. You're an inspiration.

[bhopeful]

Way to do your thing Jenny! It feels good when you don't have to rely on someone else. Congrats on the PMA boost.

[phbear316]

Hey Jenny

Way to go. Up his with those lights! You go, who cares if they are not perfect, they are perfect because you put them up with love.

bear

[JennyF]

H asked me this morning who put up the lights...I proudly said "I did". He just said "Oh". I said I know they're not perfect, but they'll do the trick. He didn't say anything.
A$$#*!E.

He took another butt whoopin' from another girlfriend of mine. Actually, his best friends wife. He seems to be back to looking for outside advice from people and is again concerned about the perception of himself. But he is still talking about moving in with OW...but has admitted they may rent something as opposed to buying a house. I hope that people continue to be honest with him about what they're thinking as I believe it will eventually make a difference.

I was REALLY hurt last night thinking about OW. I try not to dwell on it often but it got the better of me for a while.

I just keep thinking...WTH is so special about her that she is worth giving up a close relationship with his kids? It's funny because we (H included) used to say the EXACT thing about his Dad. I don't think he has yet realized exactly what he's giving up. He's still in LaLa Land.

Anyway...it's snowing like crazy again...can't wait to shovel!!
J~

[Pudmuddle]

Hi Jenny!

Way to go on the Xmas lights! Wheeeeeeeeeee!

There IS NOTHING special about OW. She is only serving his FANTASY needs. He is still stuck in his pride and thinking that he made a decision and has to stick by it. I told my H once, just because you made a decision, doesn't mean you can't change it... Your H is still immature enough in his decision making process that he does NOT see what he is giving up right now. When I left my H ALONE to figure this out, he came to that conclusion much quicker than if I were to nag, plead and beg with him. He is very obviously worried about other's perceptions which again shows his lack of stability in his mind right now.

Keep being that SuperGirl we all know you are! I think you are fabulous, articulate and strong as all get out. That is very admirable and will shine through from your soul and others will see it right away. You GLOW.

[peacetoday]

jenny
I think its good when others confront them
mine was smart though and he had a great story to tell our friends
and they believed him
he would say M is over ..its been over for years
we stayed together for kids
or
he said
WE split up as if it was mutual
people would come back to me and say H story is way different than mine
peace