LRT UNDER SAME ROOF II

[COG]

Craig,

Just briefly scanned your posts and I notice a couple of things to work on.

i wrote a letter explaining why i was so angry friday afternoon.

You should have written a letter apologizing for being angry. See, your focus is completely on your W. How SHE feels, how SHE acts, etc. Yes you're making progress, but are you? Anger and criticism cut like a knife and leave nasty scars. You can't be nice as pie for weeks on end, then belt a person in the face with a shovel, and expect them to have any desire to know WHY you were angry. That's very disfunctional, and THAT is what you W is leaving. YOUR anger, YOUR critical heart, YOUR judgement, YOUR controlling behaivior are what your W is leaving. She'll not live with it anymore.

She is so miserable because she is forced to leave the security, the passion, and the dream of her family because she simply can not live in the reality that YOU are. She will NEVER get "back together" with you. She may move forward into something new, but will NEVER, get this NEVER go back.

You need to deal with your anger. That little fire that starts inside when something happens that you don't expect, or you didn't plan. Rest assured that you are part of a greater plan. Learn to accept life as it comes, and know beyond any doubt, that God has a plan, He is in charge. You do YOUR part, God will do HIS part, and your W will do HER part.

Each time you allow the anger to build and then explode you will reinforce in her that she has made the right decision. You and I are very alike in that department. I would carry the frustration, like you did regarding your W leaving after TG, and then when tensions got high, the venom would spew. Each time you show your frustration because she, "let you down", (like when she didn't come home until 12:15 am and didn't call)you tighten the strangle hold on her.

HER dream was destroyed too ya know. She had this dream of being M to a wonderful man who had her best interests, her feelings, her desires as his highest priority. A man who loved her beyond belief, and would never make her feel like she was a failure at anything or anytime.

This is a good time to memorize 1 Corinthians: 13. The true definition of love, and it has not much to do with feelings. We are called to love unconditionally, to accept, to forgive, and to not judge. When YOU can accomplish that task, then you have really accomplished something. But you have a long ways to go. So in the meantime, please turn you focus inward, and allow you W to feel how she feels, act how she acts, and be where she wants to be, and love1C13 her anyway.

God Bless,

COG