BIGGER & better things

[RedHeadWife]

Only tan lines from my g-string

Well, man, embarrassing to talk about, but they put rubber bands around them kind of like a skin tag, so they die & just fall off. It takes about 12 days or so. I should be ok by this weekend though as far as the pain goes, etc. It doesn't hurt the entire time before the fall off. I actually just got this done right after my hysterectomy surgery so now I'm a pro I'm trying to make it so I don't have to have surgery, which I have heard is horrible.

Still keeping up the good mood! This a.m. went very well w/ the boys, getting them out the door and all to their respective places.

Hopefully I'll have the same gumption I had last night & I'll get some more stuff done around the house, so that Friday night/Saturday, just some last minute stuff. I truly don't think H is going to care how clean the house is anyway!!

Finally taking our "field trip" to the "Love Shack" today at lunch When I got my hair cut yesterday, I ended up having a little chat w/ my male hairdresser about the place. Very interesting. He was telling me he liked the "gun oil" they sell. (I didn't ask, I can just imagine)

[RedHeadWife]

I f*cked up guys!

so I had to tell H that I lost the cell phone and they found it at our son's school, but it had been run over. I don't even know why I said this (maybe b/c he was calling me at work drunk AGAIN), but I said "I never liked that phone anyway" He asked why and I said "Oh, it's just a real nice reminder" and he was like "I'm lost" I said "that's how you called your girlfriend all the time" He was really quiet and finally said "I'll take that one -- probably justly deserved" then he was just real quiet again. I finally said "well you better go get some sleep" and he was really short w/ me. Guess I should have kept my mouth shut. Now I feel like crying. Why did I do that?

[RedHeadWife]

He did say though that he hoped i ran over it twice, as it had been run over when it was found. Now he's not answering his phone. Maybe just passed out? I feel so shitty right now. I have that scared feeling again like he's going to say we're done since you can't seem to let go of the past.

[LustForLife]

Oh boy Red, I think all of our misery might be rubbing off on you.
But if you are honest with yourself, you probably still have lots of hurt that you need to get out somehow. It's hard to go from hearing your H wants a D to all of a sudden doing a 180 and trying to become that W he wants you to be. You just need to be true to yourself. Figure out what you want and need first.
And why is he drunk so much?
Does he drink a lot at home?

Hugs.

LFL

[RedHeadWife]

No, we pretty much quit drinking after we got married. He's just drinking over there b/c there's nothing else to do & they all go out all the time.

[RedHeadWife]

So what do I do now? Just apologize & move on? I'm seriously so scared that he's going to want to leave again now. That was just so uncalled for on my part.

[LustForLife]

I'm seriously so scared that he's going to want to leave again now.

I think that may be the root of the problem.
And trust me, I can relate. I don't live in fear H will leave anymore (more like wish he would, but that's my issue), but I do always think that he could do it again. No matter how much he says otherwise.
And for you, living in fear is not going to do you any good. You cannot control him, right? If you want to apologize, then apologize. If you really have issues you need to discuss further with him, then do that. Only you know what is best for you.

LFL

[RedHeadWife]

I drafted the following email. Only a draft -- comments?

Oh, babe, I am so sorry. What the hell was I thinking? Obviously I wasn't. It just came out. I honestly don't dwell on the past all the time. I don't know why I brought that up when you are coming home and I just want us to be happy. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach and I can't quit crying now. I'm so afraid that you are going to tell me you don't want to be w/ me anymore if I can't just let go of the past. I honestly have, babe. I don't mistrust you at all - I know that you love me and want us to be together. Maybe it's just that it's coming up on a year and there have been so many reminders lately. I put on my winter coat yesterday and pulled out a card from the counselor we went to. When I think of Cade's bday party, I remember that you were just waiting for his bday party to be over last year before you finally told me you wanted a divorce. And maybe, honestly, I'm still so scared that you are going to change your mind again.

[Imconfused0807]

So what do I do now? Just apologize & move on? I'm seriously so scared that he's going to want to leave again now. That was just so uncalled for on my part.

First things first....CALM DOWN!!!! Guys usually are not quite as sensitive about comments as much as you think that we are. He did say that he hoped you ran it over twice which leads me to believe that he is wanting to forget about the past as much as you would like too yourself.

I wouldn't make a big fuss over it, maybe a light little apology and then onto discussing plans for when he is home. Maybe make it appear that it was just a slight little passing thought about the past and with all the anxiety rushing through you about him coming home..you slipped! No biggie!!!

Or....Say "Honey, you must have been drinking more than you thought...I never said anything about the phone getting ran over! Are you ok? I mentioned that youngest son dropped the phone in his bowl of cereal so I had to get a new one...you need to come home and rest and I have the perfect B&B reservation set up for us to do so "

It's gonna be ok Red....please try to calm down. I can't imagine that he thinks it's just going to magically disappear from your thoughts...sh!t, what's it been? not even a year??? Come on ! This too shall pass {stole that from RJ }

[LustForLife]

Now I'm really going to sound like a therapist and say, what do YOU think of the email? Is it honest?

LFL