Yep starting my 13th thread here. When I started my last thread I said, "I've locked up so many I can't count any more. ". So this time I went back and counted. 13, wow I didn't realize it was that many. I always wore #13 in sports because I was thumbing my nose at bad luck. Maybe by the end of this thread I'll have great news to report.
It's now been over 14 months since she declared I love you but am not in love with you and 13(that # again) months of separation. So much has happened in the last year plus, good and bad. But here we are slowly proceeding forward looking to see if we can build something new and wonderful together.
I don't recall if it was in one of Michele's books or another book I read but the rule of thumb counselors often use for the timeframe on repairing/rebuilding marriages is 1 month for every year of marriage. Hmm, does that mean we've got 4-5 more months of this? Honestly when I first read that way back when I doubted it greatly, well not now!
We had our usual Wednesday lunch today. She was very talkative but I wasn't. Why, I had just gotten the latest invoice from my lawyer. Great now I owe someone else money. That sure made it hard to be upbeat and positive but I did the best I could. In the end it was a good lunch, I just enjoyed the time together and I think she did too even if we had to discuss our insurance bills. Yes our homeowners, vacation homeowners and auto insurance are all due this month. Yep owing even more money now. Well that's life and we make the best of it!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Don't you love how all the big bills come in December?
That's intersing about the months of rebuilding equals the years of marriage. I wonder how true that is in real life. Makes sense. But, I could drive myself crazy with number games like that.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
To answer both your questions, the year to month ratio is mentioned in Divorce Remedy, which I've just started reading... So we've been together 9.5 years - married 7.... My H is presently invoiking a rekindling proposal - do a search and see the terms... In a nutshell we are separated under one roof - no children.... the only advice I can offer as it's early in the game for me (But I've been through worse in my life) is take it One Day at a Time.... and enjoy all that comes your way .... To make myself feel positive, I'm smiling at folks I meet on the train to work and engage in pleasant conversations with anyone I come in contact with ... even the grocery store clerks!... Hey, maybe they're going through the same thing. You never know who has an answer for you and it doesn't hurt to make someone else smile!
Not easy sailing, but I'm still afloat!
all the best Tina M
M/2nd Time Around ME: W 51 years young H: 49 No Children
Tina, early on in our separation as I looked inward at myself I realized I wanted to be a much more positive person. So I decided I'd try to bring a smile to the face of everyone I met during the course of a day. I decided to look at the bright side of life always. It was very hard at time but finally it's ingrained. And you know a side benefit, my wife started to respond to it as well.
So keep it up and you'll find it makes every aspect of life better, even the bad parts!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Another baby step forward, we are going to a Christmas banquet as a family with our very best couple friends and family. The husband happens to be my wife's boss and his wife is my wife's best friend. Our kids are all about the same age, go to school together and are very close. In fact we own vacation property with this family and for years we vacationed together. We are so close to these folks that we all view each other as family. I know their kids have taken our situation very hard because to them we are like surrogate parents.
I'm very happy about this latest development and am very much looking forward to it!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Not been posting too much to my own thread here lately. I have posted a little over in the Piecing Forum and in the 2007 KLA Forum.
BTW, on week 3 of the new job and I am loving it! Confidence is growing each day because I have a GREAT job to go to and lots of interesting and cool stuff to work on!
So my wife has been sick since last Friday night and I've helped her about a bit and helped take care of her at times. I think it's helping her slightly. She's warmed up a bit more and generally seems to like it when I am around. Not only because I am helping but because I am being responsible, caring, positive and don't have expectations. Basically I've taken the "show love with zero expectations" approach. This way she can see me as an independent but confident, loving person, someone who doesn't need to cling to her or need her to provide for me.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
OK I need some help here. First some background, Friday we had a blow up about, you guessed it money. We have insurance due this week on our cars, our home and our vacation home. Sadly our vacation home insurance must be paid up front and it's a small fortune. So there was a big misunderstanding over what I could pay. I had said I could pay some but not all on our vacation home. The rest could be paid monthly.
Having been unemployed for the last 5 months and only returning to work 3 weeks ago means I have little. I do have a mutual fund but not a lot there and I view that as money I don't have, funds for the future or serious times of need. In the end I liquidated some of it to pay but I'm pretty much broke after that. I now have zero savings and a lawyer demanding to get paid along with a few other bills. Grr...just when with the new job I felt like given about 2 months I'd have my financial feet firmly planted.
So we had this big fight and of course it put her back months with regards to our relationship because I was not being responsible or dependable. To this point I was under the impression that we were really heading in the right direction given things she's done and said. Dang it I'm just trying to get a good foothold so I can definitely be responsible and dependable!
To top it off our girls were with me this week and we mainly had a great week but for them with Christmas approaching they are struggling a bit emotionally with the situation. I heard on more than one occasion the question why Daddy couldn't come home. Then tonight I heard "why do you have to leave?" when I dropped them off.
Here's my challenge, dealing with the welling up of anger, frustration and bitterness. I really get worked up inside seeing my kids this way and with the bouncing about with the situation. I have no idea how I dealt with it before and really am not sure how to deal with it now. It's not anger all the time but more these slow build ups. Right now I just shut my mouth and try to put on a smile but d@mnit does she not see how all of this is ripping everyone up inside?!?!
Last edited by catfan; 12/17/0701:17 AM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
". So this time I went back and counted. 13, wow I didn't realize it was that many. I always wore #13 in sports because I was thumbing my nose at bad luck. Maybe by the end of this thread I'll have great news to report.