WAW does not want to try

[Heimlich]

I'm not going to repeat the excellent advice you've been given. Print it out and read it over and over again. You're still too focused on what SHE's done to YOU. Be happy in and of yourself.

On the OM. Assume she effed him. Personally, I find the EA more disturbing and hurtful (as painful as my own W's PA/EA were for me). Assume the worst. Can you forgive it? Really, everyone says it, but it's true -- the OM is a symptom, not the cause of the problems in your M. So, can you take the responsibility for your actions that led her to where she would be in a place to have a R with another man? That's not to say that she's not at fault, she is. She chose that path. You keep saying you love your W. Do you love her enough to forgive her if she strayed?

You said you may hear things "one time too many." To me, that sounds like a PA is a dealbreaker for you. If so, that's fair. Only you can make that decision. If not, DB away, my man.

And, BS, you can forgive. It doesn't mean you forget, but you can forgive your W.

BD