H said our M is "platonic"

[Baltoman]

Those are all valid points. And I cannot argue against them, other than to say my H was the one to say he was not sexually attracted to me first. He did that right after the separation when I attempted to woo him back with my feminine charms. He turned his head and couldn't even bare to kiss me. Do you understand how humiliating that was for me?
I don't know how some of you guys do it. As a woman, I cannot be happy with or sexually attracted to someone who shows no attraction in return. A R has to go both ways, especially a M. So it's a vicious circle of hurt and disinterest on both our parts. We just can't break out of that. Boy have we tried. So I'm not blaming him. I am just as guilty here. It is what it is.

LFL

I'm pretty sure everyone on this board is familiar with that kind of humiliation. You talk of a vicious cycle so obviously you are aware that your statement of "As a woman, I cannot be happy with or sexually attracted to someone who shows no attraction in return." could be turned around and be an accurate representation of his thoughts as well. I'm also aware that you are not looking for a pep talk but you described yourself as "cute, in shape, intelligent, nice, and a good catch". Back when you were attracted to your H how would you describe him? What (if anything) besides the lack of desire on his part caused him to be unattractive to you? Perhaps it is sexist on my part but I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea of the LD male that doesn't have some underlying cause. I'm LD for my W now, but I've got a fairly good handle on why I am and what would need to be done to change that.

I know it sucks to always be the one to swim against the tide, but a vicious cycle needs someone to stand up and break it. This is a cycle that could be reversed.


I've thought a lot about cultures that have arranged marriages. Is it that they marry without being in love or is it that the ceremonies and rituals during the brief meeting and courtship stage are conducive with falling in love? We humans have a tremendous capacity to fall in love. At Retrouvaille, my W and I did not go over anything in our R that we had not gone over a hundred times before, but the atmosphere and the intimacy of being in the group caused us to finally hear each other and it really did seem that we fell in love again. It didn't last, but it was real.


You see the cycle spiraling downward. Something has to happen. It could mean leaving is the only choice or it could mean some other drastic (or at least unfamiliar) ways of breaking the cycle need to be applied.