I truly need a 2x4 or some help here or something. I can't seem to *figure* this out on my own.
I feel so ANGRY right now. Why? I don't know. Shouldn't I just be ecstatic that H is coming home in 5 days???
I have no motivation to ANYTHING that I need to be doing around the house to get ready for him to be here. I am completely impatient and, yes, angry, w/ the poor little boys. I just don't know what my problem is!!
Like I said, I just don't know what my problem is. Honestly, I feel like a complete loser right now. I just can't seem to get myself out of this funk.
Last edited by RedHeadWife; 12/11/0711:05 AM.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Is it that I've allowed my parents to do so much to help out that I feel inadequate and lazy? Am I that shallow that I have actually come to resent them for all that they've chosen to do to help me out while H is gone and now I know that I am going to have to take up the reins again and start acting the way I did right before H left which was *superwoman/mom/lover/wife/employee, etc.*?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
((((( RHW ))))) You are entirely too hard on yourself. Even something as wonderful as your H returning represents stressstressstresss. Give yourself some time ( like a day) to indulge in emotion, and then you will begin to pick yourslef back up to where you need to be. You have come such a long way and we are so proud of you here !!!!
Are you sure you're angry or are you feeling the effects of adrenaline in your system and interpreting it as anger? I know it seems silly to ask that, but I have that problem. When I get really excited or spun up about something, it's sometimes easy to mistake the edginess as anger. Then when the chemicals settle down, I feel zapped, lazy and useless. I noticed this cycle when I was drinking too much coffee too! Great high feeling, anxiety, anger and then major downer.
I do agree that you're going through SO much stress and anticipation. Is it a little scary to wonder what the future holds when H comes home and you settle back in to life together? Are you a "little" miffed about his deployment at all? So many emotions appropriate to what you're going through.
I'm terrified of how it's going to be when H is home. Our time in Korea was like a little honeymoon -- no stress of the kids, housework, etc., etc. Of course, this time, we only have a month before he has to go back (he doesn't come home for good until May) so I know it won't be completely *real* yet, but yeah, scared is an understatement. That I'm not going to live up to the standards *I* feel are in place or H is going to want a D again.
The other thing is that we are coming up on a year since the whole D sitch. I try not to think about it -- I try to just be thankful for where we are, not where we were, but the memories still come back as it gets closer to when it all started. Just the weather, the time of year, etc. can be a reminder.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
How are you doing? Are you feeling any better? I just wanted to reassure you that the roller coaster of emotions has GOT to be normal. Is there a bulletin board of wives in similar situations (or that have gone through in the past) that can lead you through this new experience somewhat? I'm sure on the surface, it's all a bunch of "Oh, I'm so happy he's coming home!" But maybe if you can really get to the real stories underneath, there have to be a ton of emotions going on about various factors. Please try to remind yourself that that's normal and DON'T beat yourself up over it! Your husband is so lucky to have you waiting for him here, just keep that in mind. Now, go make a list of things that you have to truly be happy about and focus on that, maybe it will quell all the emotions you've got running through you and take you to a more happy, serene place.
Keep us posted!!! We'll understand if you're not around though!
Well, H gets home on Saturday. From then on for awhile I won't be around. I actually am taking 2 weeks off once he's home and he doesn't know about this site at all. Hopefully I'll remember to clear my history on the computer!!
I do feel somewhat better. I actually got some things done around the house last night. Maybe I've finally started the momentum I needed.
Now my only 2 issues are that (1) I lost the cell phone, but whatever, I had it turned off & we needed a new one anyway and (2) the dog ate about 3 or 4 pieces of chicken out of the garbage last night (one of the boys must have left the door open where the garbage is under the sink) and I'm talking bones & all. Sh!t. Isn't that really bad? Aren't those bones going to just tear up his insides? I truly don't want to pay thousands of dollars for surgery on this dog. No wonder we call him BDD: Big Dumb Dog!!
Got my hair cut yesterday. Went tanning a few times. I'll take the boys to get their hair cut on Saturday. I still have a bunch to do around the house, but it'll get done, even if it's at the last minute. I need to clean out the car b/c it smells like a McDonald's restaurant after our trip to San Antonio this past weekend. Had another dr appt yesterday -- haven't told you guys about this one, kinda embarrassing, but I've had hemmhroids really bad since I was about 18 yrs old -- it's inherited -- thanks, mom Anyway, he "rubber banded" a few more -- sh!t that hurts. I'm up now at 4 a.m. b/c I actually woke up in so much pain around 2 a.m. and didn't think I'd sleep again last night. S3 was in my bed thrashing around until he finally fell off the bed & hit his head. Oh, what a life I lead
But, today will be a good day and I will just continue to try to stay positive -- I think that's what I NEED to do right now as far as my mental state goes -- I need to just try to think positively and happily and it will take after awhile.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hahaha, not laughing at your pain, just at typical glam life stuff! As far as the dog thing goes, I have a LDD ( little dumb dumb)...actually she is really smart because while she's sitting around looking all innocent and cute she's actually planning her garbage strategy!
Anyway, it's so great you are keeping that PMA going! We are all so excited for you! I will be away from the board as well, so let me be the first to wish you a wonderful time with your H, a great holiday with the family, and a new beginning for 2008!
Oh, and candles. Add some nicely scented candles to the list! Romantic, and will cover any lingering dog poop in the air! xo, RJ
Hemmhroids huh? Man, what a pain in the azz Just kidding Red, couldn't resist...still love me?
Just keep an eye on the dog, I'm sure it'll be fine. My little Aussie has accidentally gotten into some chicken and turkey bones before and never had a problem.
Smiles kid...from here on out..nothing but smiles.
Whoa ! this almost got by me...tanning? Here's the burning question that everyone wants to know....Tan lines or not?
This too shall pass!
Just kidding Red, couldn't resist...still love me?